(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
KUALA LUMPUR – Renowned Islamic preacher Zakir Naik was banned on Tuesday by the Islamophobic state of Malaysia. The anti-Muslim ban extended by the state prevents Naik from giving any speeches and participating in any public activities in the country.
The extent of anti-Muslim bigotry expressed by state authorities in Malaysia can be seen by the fact that Naik had initially been interrogated by the police made up entirely of humans, despite Zaik’s stature as the interpreter of divinity.
“Brother asked a very good question,” said Naik as the police began the interrogation. “It is against the basic tenets of faith to ban me. And I would like to convey my heartfelt condolences for those who have sinned, for they will burn in hell.”
Naik is renowned for introducing the process of racial distillation to distinguish which races should and shouldn’t live in a particular country. He is also known for revealing the truth about 9/11 to the world.
Perhaps his most famous achievement is proving that Muslims said ‘you are what you eat’ over a millennia before non-Muslims.
Islamophobic Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad and several cabinet ministers have clearly crossed a spiritual line with their latest move, which will definitely bring forth the wrath of Muslims around the world.
