(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
According to a recent poll Opacity International, Pakistani citizens are most upset by misrepresentation in the western media. The citizens, who have to be reminded again and again in bold Urdu fonts on many walls not to piss on them, claim that the western media does not respect them.
“A little over 80 percent of the respondents were of the view that their taxes – which a little more than 90 percent of the respondents didn’t pay – weren’t spent correctly,” read the report. It should be mentioned here that, again, a little over 70 percent don’t pay taxes to save money, but 30 percent don’t pay taxes because they don’t know how to keep their own accounts in order.
The nation, which crosses roads on foot despite the presence of overhead bridges, were also upset about the lack of investment in state infrastructure by the government.
Citizens who let the carcasses of their sacrificial animals on Eid rot on their front porch, were also of the opinion that their respective cities’ municipal services were not up to par.
But, on an optimistic note, the nation still loved their country, despite all its problems. A whopping 90 percent of the males polled – who routinely catcall any woman walking alone in a public space, and maybe even try to grope her – said that they would choose Pakistan over the west on account of the latter’s loose morals.
