(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE – Lazy journalists, fond of deliciously boring front page stories featuring photo-ops of former CM Punjab Shehbaz Sharif decked in boots during monsoons, were in for a surprise when the former Khaadim-e-Aala refused to lend his rain boots to interim CM Punjab as heavy rains lashed across the provincial capital earlier this week.
Images of interim CM Punjab Dr. Hasan Askari, who was seen visiting rain affected areas including the meme-famed site on Mall Road where a major segment of the road had caved in, were received with ‘Awws’ and ‘Haey Allah!’ on social media.
The hashtag #AwwPalooCuteCM started trending on Twitter as images of Dr. Askari, inspecting arrangements by local authorities to drain rain water, without wearing boots were widely circulated.
“He was without rain boots because there wasn’t enough water at that particular site not because we intentionally wanted to hurt sentiments of the people,” said an aide of Dr. Askari while talking to The Dependent.
“For God’s sake! You can’t have him wear boots in public. You know how that would look – obvious!” he added.
A source privy to internal meetings of the interim setup said that Dr. Askari was hurt there were no boots for him.
“He looked sad. It was almost like he had been longing for that very moment,” shared the source.
“It wasn’t like we didn’t try. We asked the former CM too but we all know how that turned out.”
“I will wear them on the dry streets of pan-chewing ‘Kiranchi’ if I have to but I will never allow DHA to put his interim feet in my historic boots,” CM Sharif was quoted as saying following an official request by the interim setup.
“They are mine. MINE,” he said. “It takes a lot of guts to keep them close to heart despite all the mocking I have endured for having worn them on streets which didn’t even have enough water,” the former CM said.
Though that was not all. Journalists who were angry at the sudden newsworthy turn of events during a dull monsoon were in for more when soon after Sharif’s statement a clarification was released by his office.
“DHA does not mean what your naughty minds think it means. I was referring to the interim CM,” read the statement.
“I mean, you’d be a moron to think after all that talk of moving forward and setting aside differences for the betterment of the country and politics of reconciliation, I would refuse THE DHA my boots. And why would THE DHA need boots anyway. DUH!” read the statement.
“Fine. FINE. I will get my own boots,” tweeted Dr. Askari following the boot scandal which he termed outrageous. “I just wanted to have a walk in the rain so that nobody could see my tears,” he said.
“But no, you wouldn’t let an old buddy who would be available for a comment for every story and rubbish you wrote, even that would ya’?” read the tweet that commentators say targeted the journalist community.
At press time, the official Facebook page of the interim CM updated a status that read: “Heart broken in saavan ka maheena with 120 others.”
