Merciless accountability court photocopier sends Nawaz Sharif to prison 400 times

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(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – The merciless photocopier of the accountability court on Friday announced the verdict in the Avenfield corruption reference filed by the National Accountability Bureau (NAB), handing ousted prime minister Nawaz Sharif 10 years as jail time for owning assets beyond income 400 times.

While the 10-year sentence was confirmed by every single of the 400 pages that came out of his photocopying machine, which resulted in a cumulative 4,000 years of jail-time for the former PM, the sentences will run concurrently, which means Nawaz will only serve 10 years in jail.

The heartless photocopier also handed Nawaz’s daughter Maryam Nawaz seven years, for abetment in the purchase of the high-end properties in London, and son-in-law Captain Muhammad Safdar a year jail time, 400 times each.

Talking exclusively to The Dependent, the court photocopier who charges significantly more per photocopied page than the market rate from outsiders, and does it for free for the judges, said he was happy with the verdict.

He also explained that the time it took to eventually give out the verdict was necessary and shouldn’t be criticised.

“400 pages take time,” he said. “I know many of you had been waiting for this moment for months, but there is a process involved, and the photocopied pages can only come out of the machine after that due process.”