(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
In a shocking move, the Nobel Literary Prize Committee did not name you as either one of the two recipients of the award this year, despite all of the heartfelt shit you have poured out in the past couple of years.
According to details, Olga Tokarczuk and Austria’s Peter Handke were announced as the winners for 2018 and 2019, after the prize went unawarded last year in the wake of a sexual assault scandal. The announcement saw greater interest than usual thanks to the unusual circumstances surrounding the announcement, but turned into an even larger controversy after you were not named for either the 2018 or 2019 award.
The common feeling since the announcement of the prize has been outrage, especially since the committee completely seems to have ignored the volumes of journaling you have done in the past two years. It was understood that maybe the 2018 prize would have been a stretch, since it was all very up beat work, but no one seems to be realising the transition your musings have gone through since your break up in January this year.
It is as if they did not even think to include some of the short poems you have produced, including noteworthy titles such as ‘Love’, ‘Missing You’, ‘Broken Angel’ and the widely circulated ‘What do u c in himmmm’ which you wrote while drunk, and ended up forwarding to a friend who then circulated it among everyone you know. And yes, much as you have suspected, everyone in the whole world has read it as well. Which is why it was such a surprise you were not given the award.
