(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
HOUSTON – Sitting in the front row as Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi told cheering crowds that he has removed all autonomy from Kashmir, US President Donald Trump told himself that he now finally knows what people experience when they attend his rallies.
Talking to himself, as he often does, given that no other mortal comes close to the wisdom and nous to truly understand what he means, Trump confessed that he enjoyed speaking at such events more than listening.
“Assuming that this particular event is closely similar to one of my rallies, I’d have to say I’d rather be the speaker than sit in the audience,” Trump said.
“This is not to say this isn’t fun and amazing – again assuming that there is similarity to my rallies – but no one can enjoy this experience more than I do, when I am in front of the mic. That’s the best seat in the house, I tell ya!” he added.
Growing less fond of the experience as the minutes continued to pass, Trump gradually realised that this particular rally doesn’t actually come close to the ones he leads.
“Oh he just doesn’t shut up, does he?” he said while standing on the stage as Modi continued to talk himself up in front of the Texan crowd.
