(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD/MANCHESTER – Expressing frustration at no heed being paid to his detailed guidelines for Sunday’s World Cup contest between Pakistan and India, Prime Minister of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan Imran Khan called the national cricket team Sarfaraz Ahmed ‘stupid’ and ‘clueless’.
Having the entire conversation in his head, where The Dependent has multiple sources, PM Khan reiterated that Sarfaraz had defied his commandments.
“Who does he think he is? How dare he defy my orders,” Khan exclaimed, followed by a train of expletives which cannot be reproduced here.
The Prime Minister had tweeted before the start of the match asking to bat first after winning the toss, and not play any ‘raillu kattas’. Sarfaraz put India into bat after winning the toss, with the Indian side 305/4 after 46.4 overs after rain interrupted play during the first innings.
“Stupid, clueless raillu katta played himself and then put India into bat, in complete defiance of my orders,” said PM Khan, referring to Sarfaraz.
“Yes, I know the kind hearted man that I am, I didn’t mention in the tweet that he is one of the raillu kattas – along with Imad Wasim and Shadab Khan, and indeed Mohammed Hafeez and Shoaib Malik who have historically been raillu kattas – and yes, I also did praise him in a tweet, but that was just to soften the blow,” Khan clarified during the detailed conversation with himself.
At press time, the Prime Minister got in touch with officials of the National Accountability Bureau (NAB) and Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority (PEMRA) to discuss action against Sarfaraz Ahmed.
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