(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
NEW DELHI/KARACHI – Prime Minister Narendra Modi has decided to concede all of India’s claims over the disputed territory of Jammu & Kashmir after being informed that a biopic on Hizbul Mujahideen commander Burhan Wani starring Aamir Liaquat Hussain is in the offing.
Well-placed sources within the Indian government have informed The Dependent that PM Modi has initiated top-secret talks with his cabinet and party hierarchy to grant conditional freedom to the Kashmir valley.
“The condition: stop the release of Burhan Vani biopic starring Amir Liaquat,” revealed a member of the Modi cabinet on strict condition of anonymity.
“The news of a Vani biopic being made and the role being given to Mr. Liaquat so enraged Mr. Modi that he decided to pull the nuclear option,” the source further confided to this scribe.
Meanwhile, sources within the cabinet – in its shape and form as of press time – of Pakistan Prime Minister Imran Khan have further revealed that negotiations on the matter are expected in the immediate aftermath of the Indian elections.
“This biopic is PM Imran’s masterstroke over Kashmir. This is why he has been campaigning for BJP during the elections,” a member of Khan’s cabinet told The Dependent.
Meanwhile, talking exclusively to The Dependent, Aamir Liaquat said that even the Prime Minister of Pakistan, the chairman of his party, the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf, cannot stop the release of the biopic.
“Even the freedom of Kashmir cannot stop me from fulfilling my lifelong dream. The biopic will be made, and I will be Burhan Wani. I will not withdraw my name from the movie,” he categorically said.
