(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE – After copy pasting the same detailed text manifesting physical threats and an urge to silent his intended targets, local couch misogynist, Ibn-e-Mard, 31, on Monday, successfully located all of his three-and-a-half pairs of socks within three days to successfully defeat feminism.
Ibn-e-Mard, who had set himself a 72 hour deadline to locate all of his socks after he saw a provocative banner from the Aurat March, successfully found the three-and-a-half pairs within his own closet with three hours to spare.
“This is my decisive rebuttal to the feminists whose entire line of argument hinged on the belief that I don’t know where my socks are,” Ibn-e-Mard said during a press conference called to celebrate his triumph.
“Here, this is every single sock that I own. And I’ve found all of them by myself,” he added, wielding the three pairs of socks in his right hand and a solitary sock in his left for press photographers to capture as evidence.
When asked what else he had done to defeat feminism, Ibn-e-Mard said he heats up food himself.
“Especially when there’s no one home. Then I take matters into my own hands,” he added.
After being asked if the one solitary sock in his left hand was in fact a part of an incomplete pair, Ibn-e-Mard reiterated the contrary.
“I can assure you that I bought this sock as a single unit, and it is not, I repeat, it is not one half of an incomplete pair,” he said.
“Don’t you think if it were a part of a pair, I would’ve found the other one?” he asked the media, amidst deafening silence.
