‘False accusations of controlling terror groups will adversely affect our ability to control them,’ Pakistan tells US

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(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – Pakistan on Thursday rejected allegations in a United States threat assessment report that it provides safe haven to militant groups, warning that such “controversial statements falsely accusing Pakistan of controlling terror groups will be counterproductive and have the potential to adversely affect Pakistan’s ability to control them”.

Reacting to US Director of National Intelligence Daniel Coats presenting a threat assessment report for 2019 to the US Senate, Islamabad said that it had duly assessed the threat posed by US assessments.

“We have assessed the threat posed by US threat assessments, and we can say with certitude that they are pretty threatening for the US itself,” Foreign Office (FO) spokesperson Dr Muhammad Faisal said.

During a weekly briefing on Thursday, Dr Faisal cautioned Washington against issuing threats which could be “harmful”.

“We hope that they can sit together and tell the US that if they continue to accuse us of controlling terror groups we will no longer be able to control them and hence will no longer be responsible for what they do in reaction,” he said.

The Foreign Office spokesperson also highlighted Islamabad’s concern about the threats that the US threat assessment posed to Pakistan and the region.

“The threat is becoming so menacing for Pakistan that we might actually end up providing it a safe haven,” he warned.