‘Sorry for whatever offensive I said to you worthless pieces of sh*t,’ magnanimous Vawda apologises

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – Federal Minister for Water Resources Faisal Vawda on Wednesday apologised to professionals below his stature, class and pedigree.

This was announced in a press conference featuring Vawda’s house-helps following the cancellation of a press conference that featured journalists.

“Sorry for whatever offensive I said to you worthless pieces of sh*t,” Vawda said looking into the camera that he had taken with him to Dubai cricket stadium in November to dismiss New Zealand following the post-match conference.

Vawda maintained that the worthlessness of the journalists that he magnanimously apologised to can be gauged by the fact that they did not know what a press conference entrails.

“Holding a press conference does not mean I’m going to answer your questions, you morons!” Vawda lectured still looking into the camera.

“This is what a press conference looks like, a bunch of underprivileged people sitting down looking admirably at me while I charismatically talk about things that I want to talk about,” he further added.

Reading from one of the chits that had been handed out before the press conference, an attendee asked Vawda what the secret to his courage and bravado was

“It’s all on the inside. Lion’s heart is what it is,” the Federal Minister for Water Resources gracefully answered.