(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Lahore – Our In Correspondent: Three people have been killed and an estimated ten others have been injured in a dispute at the Pakistan Fashion Council over what colours are in this fall season.
“Our rapid response unit tried its best,” said SSP Laeeq Haider of the Punjab Police Elite Force. “But by the time we reached the council building, three people were already dead. Rescue 1122 immediately evacuated the injured while we tried to control the rest of the rioters.”
“It was one of the ugliest things I have seen in my career,” he added.
According to witnesses, the dispute started when one of the council members said that one couldn’t possibly go wrong with orange this year. This was met with a spirited opposition. “Oh, please! Orange? Kill me now,” Council Member Mohsin Saeed is reported to have said in response, at which point another council member did, in fact, kill him.
Sources said the camps were not distributed across the usual city lines but colours. There was the purple group, the orange group and the yellows, each of which yielded a casualty.
“But purple speaks to me! Purple is who I want to be this fall season,” said purple ringleader Hassan Sheheryar Yasin, while he was being handcuffed and taken to the police lock-up.
“Ugh, Punjab police. This olive green is even more hideous than the charcoal black. You seriously should have stuck with it!” he added.
