Shocking: JIT declares Shahid Masood’s claims about qayammat false

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – In a shocking revelation that has jolted the entire nation, a report submitted to the Supreme Court on Thursday regarding television anchor Dr Shahid Masood’s claims about the Day of Judgment states that all 1,800 of the revelations made by Masood over the years were false and baseless.

The anchorperson has claimed during countless shows, social media videos, Facetime chats, mirror conversations, and voices in his head, that qayammat or Day of Judgment is just around the corner .

During earlier hearings of the case, Masood had also told the court that he has personally discovered 37,000 previously unknown signs of the day of judgment, including the presence of Saeed Ghani outside his office and the batch of turnips from his vegetable garden that went bad despite all the love he poured into them.

His claims about the signs, however, were rejected by the psychological ward of a local hospital in its report to the joint investigation team (JIT) that was formed earlier by the Punjab government to probe the claims by the senior journalist.

A JIT, separately formed by the SC to investigate Masood’s claims, said in the report submitted to court today that Masood was unable to support any of his claims with evidence.

The report said that Masood’s claims of being privy to when the world will disintegrate are false and that there is no evidence regarding the existence of any conditions having been met for qayammat.

“Hang me if I’m proven wrong,” Dr Shahid Masood said while talking to The Dependent.