(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE – Punjab law minister Rana Sanaullah has said on Tuesday that the Model Town Inquiry report that has been made public today was full of typos and carried no images, rendering it inconclusive.
Talking to the media in a press conference, Sanaullah underscored the shortcomings which, according to him, were ‘so immature’ that the government would not even file a review plea with the court.
“I spotted at least three typos in the first three paragraphs. Let’s not even get into the editing howlers,” Sanaullah said.
“And considering there were no images the report itself is completely inconclusive.”
Elaborating on the importance of images, Sanaullah said that the image of the person responsible for the Model Town incident should’ve been in the report.
“No image, no proof,” he said. “In refusing to provide pictorial evidence, the report clearly asks the reader to imagine the culprit themselves. This in turn means that everyone would have different culprits.”
“I, for one, have a very colourful imagination.”
While talking exclusively to The Dependent, Punjab Chief Minister Shehbaz Sharif agreed that since the court did not put anyone on the cover of the report, no one’s guilty.
“I’m glad, this episode is settled once and for all,” he said.
