(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
The Federal Public Service Commission (FPSC) has become the target of severe criticism after the recent essays of one of the qualifiers of the premiere Central Superior Services (CSS) exams were leaked by the candidate himself on social media.
“This is atrocious,” said Dr Hassan Chatta, over the the Linguistics Department at the Quaid-e-Azam University.
“This fellow doesn’t only have an inability to form grammatically correct sentences, but also cannot form a cohesive, overarching narrative argument.”
“It is clear that he would be like this in any language, not just English,” he continued. “His inability to construct a set of arguments is the sort of thing that would make me not take him up as a student to begin with.”
“Not only did he clear the exams,” marvelled Dr Sumera Khatta, chairperson of the English Department at Peshawar University. “But he also got allocated to the Police, which means his position would also have been pretty high. What the hell are those fellows at the Commission thinking of?”
“The Police Service of Pakistan (PSP) has some pretty shoddy officers,” said retired IGP Siddiq Hassan. “Having said that, I do believe the service has dodged a bullet, so to speak, when this cretin decided not to serve and dropped out of the Common Training Program.”
Meanwhile, FPSC Secretary Shumaila Haider has admitted that the leaked essays have led to some introspection at the FPSC.
“But also consider the possibility that he used to be bright and that his cognitive skills were lowered by subsequent interactions with friends who were a bad influence or, say, some politicians.”
