(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
A major global catastrophe occurred on Sunday evening as the moon was blown into smithereens by the Chairman of Pakistan’s Ruet e Hilal Committee, Mufti Mubeeb ur Rehman, after he accidentally pushed a secret red button underneath his telescope, which turned out to be a space missile.
The event occurred while Mufti Muneeb was peering into the telescope to try and spot the Eid moon and determine whether Eid in Pakistan would be on Wednesday or Thursday. During the inspection, the Ruet e Hilal Committee Chairman noticed a shiny red button on the underside of the telescope.
Upon seeing it, he is reported to have said “Oo. This looks shiny, I wonder what this button does,” which then became the last words to ever be uttered on an earth that still had the moon orbiting around it.
The committee later held a press conference, in which they announced that since the moon had been destroyed, it had been determined that Eid would fall on Thursday.
“Since the moon could not be sighted on account of it currently floating around the galaxy in billions of pieces, the current month will last 30 days” Mufti Muneeb told the press conference.
Meanwhile, scientists and world leaders are scrambling over how to react after the earth’s only natural satellite went up in ashes, trying to figure out how the destruction of the moon would affect the world.
“Well we won’t have eclipses anymore. And no more tidal waves, which means no more obnoxious surfers. Or different size days” said a leading Astrophysicist at CalTech.
“So all in all a good day.”
