(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI/PESHAWAR/QUETTA – After the national cricket defeat slumped to a heavy seven wicket defeat in its opening World Cup match on Friday, the grateful and optimistic nation celebrated the fact that despite such an overwhelming loss, each of its top three batsmen still averaged over 50 runs.
That Pakistan’s defeat against West Indies at Trent Bridge, its 11th successive loss which is the worst ever run for the national side, couldn’t tarnish the numbers of the national side’s batsmen was a fact celebrated across the country.
“That is what matters most to us. The fact that our batsmen have high averages, who cares if we lose the matches,” notes Abdul Qayuum, a shopkeeper in Quetta.
“Let’s not forget that in the 5-0 defeat against Australia Pakistan scored five centuries. They scored another three centuries in the 4-0 defeat against England. We are ecstatic about that,” said Mehmood Ahmed, a software engineer in Peshawar.
While Pakistan were bowled out for 105 in their opening match, at day’s end Fakhar still averaged 50.42, Imam 57.87 and Babar 51.12.
At press time, the nation was also grateful that their champion fast bowler Mohammed Amir had returned to form taking each of the three West Indian wickets.
