(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE – With another hike in electricity prices just around the corner Lahore Electric Supply Company (LESCO), has added to its plethora of top-shelf customer satisfaction services, the option of paying electricity bills with one’s kidney. Customers can now walk into any of LESCO’s RRR (remote renal removal) facilities spread across the city to avail the kidney removal procedure free of cost. Alternatively LESCO has also provided the option of customers removing their kidney, wrapping it in the paper bill sent by LESCO every month and mailing it back to the company.
Speaking with The Dependent, LESCO spokesperson said “this is the least we could do for our valued customers given the northbound trajectory of prices, the impending summer heat and the loadshedding that follows”.
When informed about the necessity of a minimum of one kidney to stay alive the spokesperson clarified that they dropped the proposal of only accepting the accountholder’s kidney. Customers are free to source the organ from friends and family as well. LESCO plans to include other non-vitalish organs as accepted mode of bill payment in the future to accommodate those who have already parted with half their renal functionality to pay for other necessities. “That’s a huge untapped market we believe”, he said.
Welcoming the move Finance Minister Asad Umar explained, “I did warn everyone that awaam ki cheekhein niklein gi; kidney removal ain’t no picnic. Hurts like a b****!”
