(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD/KARACHI/LAHORE/PESHAWAR/QUETTA – After the sale of eight of their community members fetched a total of Rs2,302,000 to the national exchequer, nation’s buffaloes have decided to contribute a fifth of their total excretion for the second quarter of the ongoing fiscal year to the government’s bullsh*t.
In what the leaders of the All Pakistan Buffalo Excretion Association (APBEA) are calling ‘Cut the Crap’ drive, nationwide bulls, buffaloes and other cattle are being encouraged to donate 20% of all the sh*t they produce to the government’s policymaking.
“We realise that the government’s demand for bullsh*t is quite high and as patriotic citizens of Pakistan, who have already proved that we can contribute heavily to Pakistan’s economy, we feel that we should also participate in aspects of policymaking where the government needs us the most,” said APBEA Chairbuffalo Chanda while talking to The Dependent.
Given that the sale of buffaloes was part of Prime Minister Imran Khan’s austerity drive through which he plans on cutting down his government’s expenditures, the APBEA maintains that the buffaloes would have to significantly alter their intake to produce what they called was ‘next level sh*t’.
“The quality of the crap that the government is conjuring with such ease has put pressure on us to deliver the goods,” APBEA Secretary General Gulabo told The Dependent. “But of course the more the pressure the easier it is to produce sh*t.
