(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Security analyst, Commander SafeGuard impersonator, and fifth generation jihadi Zaid Hamid, has been hospitalised with a fried CPU after he attempted to read the tell-all book co-authored by former ISI chief Lt General (r) Asad Durrani and former RAW supremo AS Dulat.
Doctors have confirmed to The Dependent that Zaid Hamid – whose sharp brain has been described as a pentium 368 computer – unfortunately melted upon reading Asad Durrani’s book..
“First responders have told us that when they arrived on scene Mr Hamid had assumed the fetal position and was rocking back and forth with a copy of ‘Spy Chronicles’ next to him. His words were too muffled to make out because of the frothing spittle that had formed in and around his mouth” they told The Dependent’s health correspondent.
“Zaid Hamid’s brain is a CPU. Unfortunately, he is unused to reading books, and primarily sources his information from YouTube videos by users like zombiechilla, gothteen786 and FailArmy – and was thus not used to the stress put on his CPU.
“We are not yet sure whether the meltdown it was triggered by the content of the book or the attempt to read words of a page – but our diagnosticians are working moderately hard to figure out what more is wrong with him than usual.”
At press time, Doctors were trying to reboot him but unfortunately the space in his cranium was too narrow to fit more cutting edge chipware like a pentium 486 to respond to the brainpower needed to combat 5th generation warfare.
