- And why books are more revered than read in our land
The Revolution has arrived. It has come with a bang. It didn’t knock. It didn’t ask permission. It marched in like a tornado on steroids. It caught us slacking, taking selfies, laughing at memes, sharing sick jokes, waiting for iftars, preparing for sehris, and ‘whiling away’ our time.
The Revolution has turned us all into readers. Overnight, we all became avid, passionate lover of words and found the magic of books. We ‘found’ that books are cool, we ‘realised’ that books are revealing, we ‘got convinced’ that books are damn thrilling things.
The country has for past few days been in the grip of ‘spies spilling chat-patti beans’ mania. Every third lad is busy reading ‘The Expose’ of how rotten, horrid things were done and how the sleuths ran the gamut in their heyday. The genre of non-fiction espionage and ‘The Name is Bond, James Bond’ romance made a comeback and every WhatsApp group has a number of pdf books for all those who want to delve deep in the murky world of cloak-and-dagger (mis)adventuees.
While the world around is busy in tales of two has-beens, let us try something new, dear reader. Let us, as they say, experiment. Let us talk about bigger, more mysterious, more important things like ‘what’s the point’ and ‘what’s the meaning of it all’. Just for once, let us part with the usual rut of duelling political ideologies and/or poking holes in each other’s beliefs.
A quotation seems like a nice place to start. One by Søren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher who lost his mother, his sisters and two brothers before he turned 21, seems best. Kierkegaard’s life, at that juncture, didn’t have much of a point. We’ll end our piece with another excerpt by Kierkegaard. Both taken from his magnum opus: Either/or: A Fragment of Life.
Here we go.
“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”
― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life
Let us ‘Pakistanise’ the above excerpt.
‘Boot out Nawaz Sharif, we will regret it. Give Nawaz Sharif another chance, we will regret it. Do both, regret both. Make Imran Khan prime minister, we will regret it. Don’t make Imran Khan prime minister, we will regret it. Do both, regret both. Make peace with India, we’ll regret it. Make war with India, we’ll regret it. Do both, regret both. Pacify Manzoor Pashteen, they’ll regret it, Let him agitate, they’ll regret it. Do both, regret both. Make China Mai Baap, we will regret it. Don’t make China Mai Baap, we will regret it. Do both, regret both. America gives us carrot, America regrets it. America gives us stick, we regret it. Do both, regret both. Send your child to a private school, you’ll regret it. Send him to a government school, you’ll regret it. Do both, regret both. Bring in the new dawn, we will regret it. Stick with the stale, ennui-filled mornings, we will regret them. Do both, regret both.
And lastly, seek ‘What’s the Point’, find it, live it.
You’ll regret it. Seek ‘What’s the Point’, fail to find it, live listlessly. You’ll regret it.
Do both, regret both.
We, the great, brave, and audacious people of Pakistan have been living alternate realities since long, we regret what we have, we crave what we can’t have, and we condemn the things we once so dearly fought for.
Moving on to the second excerpt by Kierkegaard.
“In a theater, it happened that a fire started offstage. The clown came out to tell the audience. They thought it was a joke and applauded. He told them again, and they became still more hilarious. This is the way, I suppose, that the world will be destroyed-amid the universal hilarity of wits and wags who think it is all a joke.”
― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life
Now, savour thy eyes on the ‘Pakistanised’ version.
‘In a Shinwari Restaurant, it so happened a waiter had an epiphany; all of a sudden it dawned on him that those who eat dunbas become dunbas. The waiter started yelling and imploring everyone to stop eating dunbas for they’ll turn them in mindless, uncritical, herd-following dimwits. Everyone censored him and ordered more dunba. The waiter brought more dunba for he knew one cannot argue with a dunba who is stuffed on his fellow dunba. This, I suppose, is where we are and how our lives and world will continue. Amidst the, savoury smell of fat-laden, lightly salted sheep meat, we’ll read books that we don’t pay a single paisa for.
Happy Reading, Fellas. May your tryst with books continue.
