I am the actual Bhutto: Imran Khan

Our Bhutto Correspondent

Larkana: Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) Chairman Imran Khan declared himself as the actual heir to the Bhutto throne on Friday. Khan, a vociferous critic of Bilawal Bhutto Zardari using his grandfather’s name, has announced that he is the actual Bhutto.

“If Zardari can be a Bhutto, if Bilawal can remain a Bhutto 24/7, I can at least be a selective Bhutto,” Imran Khan said in a press conference after his record breaking rally at Larkana. “I will be called Imran Khan Bhutto during my visits to Sindh,” he added.

Khan further said that Bilawal did not have political nous to capitalise on Bhutto’s name. The PTI chairman said that since Pakistani politics was now a two horse race between Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) and PTI, Bilawal should relinquish the Bhutto title and let PTI make the most of it in Sindh.

“I promised roti, kapra, makaan and koyla to the people of Sindh,” Khan said during the press conference. “Just go through my speech, I paraphrased everything that Zulfikar Ali Bhutto or Benazir Bhutto used to say. It was a very familiar speech for the people of Larkana,” he added.

“Now please honestly tell me, whether Bilawal uses Bhutto’s name better than me?” the PTI chairman asked.

“Sometimes he starts going all rational and humane, that never works here. Somebody needs to tell him this.”

Imran Khan Bhutto has vowed to change the fortunes of Sindh, just like he has transformed the fortunes of Pakistanis on Facebook and Twitter.

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Everyone, just leave me alone: Sartaj Aziz

Our Security Correspondent

Islamabad: National Security Advisor (NSA) Sartaj Aziz has requested the universe to leave him alone, it has emerged. Aziz, who is not a fan of being disturbed, has locked himself up in his room, following his interview with BBC Urdu.

“He was condemned for speaking his heart out,” sources privy to the National Security advisor told Khabaristan Today on condition of anonymity. “He just said what he honestly believed in. He wanted to say something that pleases everyone. And as most third rate, commercial self-improvement books, articles and blogs say: if you try to please everyone, you’ll end up pleasing no one,” he added.

It is pertinent to mention here that Aziz had told BBC Urdu that Pakistan would only target militants that are a security concern for the country and not try to make enemies out of America’s enemies. The Foreign Office has since said that the National Security Advisor’s statement was taken out of context.

“What else was I supposed to say?” Foreign Office Spokesperson Tasneem Aslam said while talking to Khabaristan Today. “He made it clear what he was trying to say. He also made it clear that he has no idea what the national policy on the Taliban is these days. Saying ‘out of context’ is the official ‘get out of jail free’ card for absurd statements,” she added.

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Kim Kardashian advised to conceal strategic assets

Our Entertainment Correspondent

Islamabad: Security strategists from Pakistan have sent Kim Kardashian tonnes of emails advising the celebrity over the usage of her strategic assets. Kardashian who is renowned for, among other things, her explosive assets, has been advised to tactically use her strategic assets as she had been doing in recent years. It is pertinent to mention here that Kardashian made a startling revelation last week, which according to eye witnesses broke the internet.

“It is never a good idea to reveal all your assets,” the head of a renowned security think-tank in Islamabad told Khabaristan Today on condition of anonymity. “Especially when they carry such devastating ramifications,” he added.

“One takes years, sometimes decades, to nourish strategic assets,” the analyst continued. “But no one should be shown the assets – not in their entirety,” he warned. “Once you reveal the assets, the element of surprise is over. The assets no longer carry that element of surprise,” he continued.