(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LIVERPOOL/AMSTERDAM – Adherents of absurdism knocked out the practitioners of Cruyffism 7-6 on cumulative aggregate to reach the final of the UEFA Champions League.
The semifinal between the respective upholders of Absurdism and Cruyffism was played out over four legs over the past two weeks, with contests staged in London, Barcelona, Liverpool and Amsterdam, eventually resulting in the triumph of the former, resulting in what will be an all-absurd final in Madrid on June 1.
Philosopho-football experts noted after last week how Cruyffism had not only triumphed over the rest in this year’s premier club competition, but was also on the verge of the most romanticised and much philosophised meeting between its own proponents.
However, events took a turn for the absurd, resulting in a finale between those who successfully managed to believe in, and preach, their own absurdist philosophy.
Leading football philosophers note how absurdism is on the rise in the sport, as especially noted in the Champions League this season.
“The events in Paris on March 7, for instance – Albert Camus would’ve been proud of the absurdism on display,” said noted philosopher Peter Drury.
“Also, outside the Champions League, what could be more absurd than the fact that the finale of the Premier League on Sunday, which is sure to have the absurdist miss out?” he added.