(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
WASHINGTON – After the Trump administration announced that it will officially withdraw from the nuclear missile treaty with Russia, Washington further threatened Moscow that it would orchestrate the dissolution of the Soviet Union.
By issuing a statement last week that put the final nail in the coffin of the agreement, finalizing a decision that many experts — both happily and nervously — expected for decades, US President Donald Trump is bringing the world closer to the biggest post-World War crisis of the 20th century.
“Tomorrow, the United States will suspend its obligations under the INF Treaty and begin the process of withdrawing from the INF Treaty,” Trump said. “This is a result of Soviet transgressions of recent years including Moscow shooting down U2, their foiling of the Cuban Democratic Revolutionary Front’s bid to overthrow the anti-American regime, and most recently – and most ominously – ballistic missile deployment in Cuba.”
In a press conference around the same time, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said, “Moscow has jeopardized Washington’s security interests, and we can no longer be restricted by the treaty while Soviet Union shamelessly violates it.”
Pompeo predicted that unless Washington acts to dissolve Soviet Union, Moscow might invade Afghanistan.
“Soviet Union’s dissolution will be complete when the Trump regime breaks the Berlin Wall,” Trump said.