(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – Federal Minister for Human Rights Dr Shireen Mazari expressed her concerns over the state of football in South America. She reiterated the concerns during a meeting with Claudio Raja Gabaglia Lins, Ambassador of Brazil in Pakistan here Tuesday.
“No World Cup win since 2002 – only one South American finalist since then. Not a single semifinalist at this year’s World Cup,” Mazari began. “It’s a case of violation of basic football opportunities by South American states and the seizure of the freedom to practice their sport freely,” she added.
The human rights minister conceded that Pakistan too has a ‘minor problem’ but maintained that Pakistanis are free to play football.
“Minority sports followers, like football, have absolute freedom to play their sport in Pakistan,” Mazari told Lins. “That is the reason behind Pakistan doing so well in the South Asian Football Federation tournament this month. This is why Pakistan made the SAFF semis, while Brazil didn’t make the World Cup semis this year.”
She urged the international community to take prompt action in this regard and to play a decisive role not only in seeking an end to the violations but to restore and protect South American football.