The Pakistan Bureau of Statistics (PBS) informed you on Tuesday that your first girlfriend was probably married to some dentist or something by now.
“Yes, that’s probable. A dentist or a doctor,” said Saleem Mandanr, Joint Director at the PBS. “Could also be that cousin of hers that she spoke about once but not really sure. That still happens but not really as much as it used to. Still a strong possibility. Why do you ask?”
PBS officials also add that though she might have gained some weight, gotten a little older but maybe she hasn’t lost that spring in her step and youthful disposition that some lucky women don’t lose even in their eighties.
“Yes, she has 2.3 children, statistically speaking for her socio-economic demographic, and that can cause one’s personality to pivot in a particular direction,” said Dr Sasui Junejo, Senior Statistical Officer. “But there is still no reason to conclude with certainty that she has lost the girlish timbre in her voice.”
“It is highly unlikely to believe that her eyes don’t almost disappear when she laughs, just the way they used to,” said Mandanr. “Yeah, yeah. I know what you’re talking about.”
“No, don’t know if she’s happy or not,” said Dr Junejo. “I suppose. Financially comfortable, in any case, because dentists have it good.”
PBS sources concluded that you had your chance and it was you who wanted to do your thing and see the world so it’s sort of your fault and that this whole Facebook stalking thing and investigation is not healthy and borderline creepy.
Sources also refused to answer whether or not she sought information about you as well, citing confidentiality.
“But just to put you out of your misery: she didn’t.”