In the first part of this article, you read about one side of the problem. Search for the words ‘discrimination against sex’ and the first several results will display findings related to gender discrimination against the women only. True, women have a tough time in Pakistan, but being a man is not much easier. The expectations, demands, and clichés associated with the men are much different from those associated with the women but are not any less existent. In Pakistan, men usually complain that the females are offered such undue favours in a professional setting by their employers, bosses or teachers that a man can only dream of. These “exchanged” or “voluntary” favours, therefore, are creating a competition in general and in a few cases “hate” against women. The matter is made even more complicated due to the lack of media coverage and awareness associated with gender discrimination against men in Pakistan.
Emotional and psychological abuse
Pakistan in particular, and the world in general, expects men to be tough and strong. It is considered almost unnatural for a man to express any fears, insecurities, grief or any sort of emotion. From a young age, boys are taught that ‘real’ men do not cry or should they ever do so, they are chastised by saying, ‘don’t be a little girl’. This instills in these men a sense of false masculinity, whereby they learn to bottle up their feelings and emotions. The only acceptable form of expression that these men have is anger. When a man is angry, women are instructed to just exercise patience and not respond, as he is a man and thereby incapable of controlling his temper. This enables a culture where it is considered acceptable for men to be volatile and violent, in short laying the foundations for a society based on domestic violence.
When it comes to honour killings and other such traditions that on paper seem to be transgressions against women, they might actually be traumatising for the men as well. There is no denying that women are on the receiving end of these atrocities, but if you look beneath the surface, one can observe that these acts when committed by men leave a lasting impression on their personalities. Consider, for example, a man whose sister decides to stand up for her right to an education. Even if the brother feels that her sister is entitled to an education, he won’t be able to allow it due to the society’s pressure. He will fear that the society will think of him as something less than a true man, or a man who has no concern for the honour of his family.
Men caught between a rock and a hard place
Furthermore, men are considered to be the primary breadwinners of a family. In Pakistan, where families, in general, are big and there are a lot of mouths to feed, it is a tall order for any man to fulfill singlehandedly. All his life he has a sword hanging over his head to secure a high-paying job, establish a career and support his family with little help from others. In Pakistan, where unemployment is high and inflation is on the rise as well, this means immense pressure on the man. Moreover, should the guy fail to get a job or is fired, he will be called a failure. And should he allow his female family members to work, either to support the family completely or to supplement his income, society will treat him as a ‘na-mard’ or a ‘beghairat’ who feeds off the earnings of women.
In the typical Pakistani society, it is considered normal for a boy to be mischevious, rash and often times downright ill-mannered. Whereas a girl is supposed to display perfect manners and decorum. Should a guy deviate from this accepted behaviour he is believed to be feminine or a social outcast. In a society where ‘bad boys’ are romanticised, there is a lot of pressure on men to go against their moral compass. This results in a permanent internal conflict for these men. Even while in the company of friends, men have to conform to the accepted standards of society. A guy who does not smoke, or exhibits impeccable behavior is looked down upon.
Physical discrimination against men
Media and feminists often speak up against the standards of beauty and perfection that are associated with females. It is true that women are subjected to discrimination based on the colour of their skin and their beauty. But things aren’t much easier for men either. They too are judged on physical traits, such as height, that are completely out of their control. Short heighted men are considered almost synonymous with being physically disabled.
Beauty cut
Women in Pakistan are not seen an equal and normal part of the society and therefore, once in the professional field, many of their managers, teachers or bosses use their physics to amuse their “Masculine Chemistry”. Many women, to make their life easier accept this easier path to success. However, this mutually consensual relation between the the boss and his female subordinate destroys the career of many males as their female colleagues supersede them through this “beauty cut”.
Proposed solutions
To cut to the chase, it is easy to see that life in Pakistan is tough for both genders. Both have their own pressures to face, rules to conform to, and standards to mold themselves into. Pakistani society has a long way to go before we achieve a standard of living where there is no discrimination against either sex. Both genders need to realise the difficulties that other gender faces, and shall strive to achieve a compromise where the rights of neither gender are violated.
The most obvious step to take is to spread awareness and increase literacy among the population. Gender roles need to be redefined. In fact, it would serve the society much better if the existing gender roles were shattered and no new gender roles were defined. Society needs to realise that every individual is unique, so expecting them to adhere to a specific set of guidelines is completely unfair. We need to create a society where every man and woman is allowed to progress in their careers through their intelligence, merit, individuality and unique personality; without breaking rules and accepted standards.
Empowering women is not equal to belittling men
At the end of the day, it is not just about empowering either men or women. It is about empowering humans. Women’s rights activists need to understand that they don’t have to bring men down to elevate women in the society. And men need to realize that it is okay for them to express their emotions and that empowerment of women is not an attempt to belittle them. Discrimination against either gender isn’t the solution. In fact, it is the cause of the sexism in Pakistan. Discrimination against either sex should be equally condemned and mitigated.
