A sad sad letter to Mamnoon Hussain
9th September, 2013, marked a very important day for Pakistan. It was the day you, Mr Mamnoon Hussain, were elected the 12th President of Pakistan. With 432 votes you rose like a star against Wajihuddin Ahmed who only managed to snag an abysmal 77 votes. We always knew that your post was similar to that of a trophy wife – no real powers but all the superficial obligations – but it’s been so long since we got a real glimpse of you, Mr President. Somewhere in the last four months we lost you. You may think none of us noticed your absence, but you are oh-so-wrong, Mr President.
Just a month after becoming president the most important action you took for the country was to throw together your family and friends and jet off to Saudi Arab for hajj. The real details and expenditure of this little vacation is unknown to us all because the government has delayed (read: refused to) release any of the said information. Some are calling this a travesty because, let’s face it, under the FOI Ordinance 2002 you are required to provide details of the 30-member entourage which accompanied you. While many others may doubt your intentions and call you corrupt because your trip was most likely completely funded with taxpayers’ money, a true Pakistani knows that all you meant to do was pray for Pakistan. You had stated that ‘things couldn’t possible get worse for the country’ a short while after you got sworn into office. What better way to fix all the issues than to take as many people to hajj as possible and offer duas – that way it becomes Allah Mian’s problem.
Over the next weeks we were thrown a few mediocre joint statements with your name stapled with that of the prime minister, but you never spoke to us on your own. We worried about you, Mr President! There were days we wondered if you were perhaps abducted or incapacitated and could not take the stand to reach out to the masses. But we were also comforted in knowing that you were well taken care of. The President House has over 772 employees to serve you, while Sharif can only pick one of 695 employees to serve him Nihari. You are comfortable, of course, but that does not mean that you are not a simple man. Of course you do love simplicity.
You urged us all to inculcate simplicity and austerity in our lives; to follow in the footsteps of the Prophet. Is that why you stay out of the public eye? Is that why we didn’t really get to see you when over 80 were killed and another 100 got injured in the Peshawar church attack? The attack which haunted so many of us for so many days was met with nothing but your perpetual silence. But we understand, you were probably busy. The government spent over Rs15 million on a portrait for you, dear President. You probably got tangled up in ensuring that money was well spent and not wasted, we’re sure the portrait turned out lovely. You showed PPP’s Zardari, his portrait only cost us Rs700,000 (what a cheapster!).
It is of course your love for simplicity and austerity that causes you to stay out of the public eye. You admit that you only use helicopters for all your travels. Is it because you’d rather not be seen? This separation from the masses is painful, Mr President. It hurts that you hide in the skies while we toil beneath unaware that you are right above us. But, of course, you are only watching us like an angel.
At the start of December you took yet another high profile trip abroad. No one even bothered questioning how many extra people you had to take with you, perhaps because this time it was just a funeral. Mandela was indeed a great man, and it was a proud moment for us that you attended his funeral. But we never saw you there either, Mr President. And we were so jealous! There he was, the President of the United States of America, taking selfie after selfie with the Danish Prime Minister. The media wouldn’t stop talking about that for weeks after it happened, Barack Obama and Helle Thorning-Schmidt where the talk of the town – but you were nowhere to be found. Could you not have found a few female leaders to take some selfies, too? Not even for us?
We lost Chaudhry Aslam, dear President. We lost him around the same time we lost another young boy to the Taliban – Aitzaz Hassan indeed did us a great service. A lot of people thought you were right around the corner, about to offer your two cents on both the brave Pakistanis… but you never did. Recently, the Hazara genocide roared back to life and Mastung is once again burning. 29 dead and another 50 injured – and deafening silence from your end. The Hazaras once again took to the streets with their dead – but nothing came of it, nothing ever does. The world is calling it an act of ethnic cleansing, but don’t you worry, we know your heart is in the right place. We know how difficult it can be to console relatives of the dead. It is very awkward indeed.
But when you couldn’t find it in you to talk to us when the Bannu army base was attacked, even Munawar Hassan took time out to release a ludicrous statement or two, it was one occasion where we were dumbfounded by your lack of presence. But beggars can’t be choosers, we were happy when you did manage to offer a few tidbits here and there, however. You were widely quoted when you said that military operation is now inevitable to save the people. But we know who wears the pants in the relationship – it didn’t take Sharif to step in and create a four-person committee dedicated to peace talks. Sometimes this little dance we witness between prime minister and president leaves us exhausted and confused.
At times it seems as though you are but a figment of our collective imagination. Some of us are getting so used to you never being around. We admit that some of us have even mistakenly referred to you as Manmohan Singh, only to correct ourselves in embarrassment. It seems that the only time you surface is when Dr Nihari Sharif asks you to do something. We understand that when he says jump, you have been trained to ask “how high” but would it kill you to make the process a little more human? It takes you seconds to kick out PEMRA’s head or setup a special court for a former dictator-president combo – would it be a stretch to assume you’d even induct Justin Bieber into an official role if you were told to do so? I hear Bieber is recently retired… but I digress.
While the competition between Sharif and Khan was something to see, not many had an issue with you stepping into Zardari’s shoes. And it was only a few days after your election that you began this perpetual game of ‘Where’s Waldo’. Anytime something big happens we’re all left wondering where you are, Mr President. Did we offend you in some way? Are you suffering from bouts of seasonal depression? Maybe you’re just anti-social in general? Whatever the reason, Mr President, we surely do miss you.
