But why Chaudhry?


The answer is rather simple, but let’s continue the foreplay

I have been a huge fan of Javed Chaudhry’s work since the day I started bothering about the state of affairs in Pakistan. For me, as a professional Taliban apologist, Chaudhry’s work has been both a source of inspiration and an infinite reservoir of apologia. His depiction of the Taliban as freedom fighters saving us from the imperialistic wrath of the US is possibly the best in town. Chaudhry is the Phajja Paaye Waala of Taliban apologia.

Now can you imagine Phajja leaving his business of selling parts of animal corpses in the name of gastronomic delicacies, for a stint at a cake shop? Of course not. Chaudhry leaving his multi-million-rupee business of apologising for the Taliban is even harder to imagine.

And yet it did happen.

But why Chaudhry? Why this somersault that could win you the Olympic gold should the IOC ever decide on accommodating fundamentalist apologia? Why this U-turn that would pulverise the brakes of most vehicles? Why this change of heart that would give most people a cardiac arrest? Why this sudden abandonment of a lap that gave you all the warmth that you could ever ask for?

The answer is rather simple. But let’s continue the foreplay.

How did the Taliban evolve from messiahs to murderers? How did they transform from an ideological treat to an ideological threat? How did the ostensible solution to South Asia’s problem become the region’s biggest problem? And how for the love of Allah, did America’s war all of a sudden become our war?

Answer. Simple. Continue. Foreplay.

There was a time not too long ago, when Chaudhry was touting the Taliban movement as the second coming of French Revolution. And he was absolutely spot on! French Revolution was a movement orchestrated by religious extremists to enforce religion all over Europe. It was also a movement that was supposed to deny liberty, equality and fraternity to the people of France, which happens to be a cakewalk for religion.

What happened to your love for the ‘revolutionaries’ Chaudhry? What happened to your support for their noble cause? Do you not want Islam to be ubiquitous? Do you not want Islam to be a part of politics? Are you a blasphemer Chaudhry? Are you?

Answer… Foreplay…

Chaudhry was so keen on ensuring that the government held talks with the Taliban that he once equated these negotiations with Mustafa Kemal Ataturk’s negotiations with Turkey’s legitimately appointed clergy over the Hat Law of 1925. He said taking the clergy on board was what solved an issue that involved the right to wear hats. And so apparently the Pakistani government should have taken the terrorists on board to discuss the Taliban’s right to wear suicide jackets.

So why are negotiations a bad idea all of a sudden Chaudhry? Why shouldn’t the Taliban be stakeholders in the government now? And why now should we go for a military operation?

Answer below.

The Taliban have always been pretty consistent in what they have wanted. They want to implement the Shariah, establish a caliphate and impose Islam everywhere. That was their demand twenty years ago, that is their demand as things stand and that will always be their demand.

But now Chaudhry’s life – and that of other Taliban apologists – is at loggerheads with the Taliban and their Islam. And now with Chaudhry facing the music, the Taliban’s hit list, their ideology and the ‘fight for freedom’ is obviously too hard for him to digest.

And it’s sad for me to see my mentor, my guru capitulate like a pack of cards.

Apparently Islam has become too hot to handle now. Drones seem like a good idea now. Allah forbid, when America drones your neighbourhood Chaudhry, you will know what fight for freedom is. Your neighbourhood would produce terrorists then, Chaudhry. Drones produce terrorists… You were the one who taught me this simple fact, Chaudhry.

My mentor has sold himself to America!