White Lies

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He likes to move around in style, the Khadim-e-Aala does. Yes, luxury vehicles are too mainstream. Our man likes to move around in a chopper. And this is not just for long hauls, but even for a trip to nearby cities like Sialkot, for instance.

What about longer haul trips? Surely he uses a plane for those. Well, yes, but he gets to the airport (!) on the helicopter as well.

The other League (remember them?) has moved an adjournment motion in the Punjab assembly against this extravagance. Reports say that the government has spent a cool two crore rupees in a period of six months on the fuel and maintenance of the bird.

And that’s not the only extravagance the League is given to. The process of retrofitting luxury cars to become bullet-and-bomb-proof comes at 40 lakhs a pop. The government just sent six cars for the security of the family members of the top of the tops.

Ah, austerity and the PML-N.

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Why the heart? Why is there so much poetry about the heart and not, say, the liver, which performs as important a bodily function? If this choice of the most symbolically vital of body organs has been purely arbitrary, then what explains the primacy of the heart in all the cultures of the world? Even our sub-continent – which has not ignored the humble liver in its poetry – has placed the heart at the helm of affairs.

Well, that’s a curious topic but, as luck would have it, it is specifically the heart that is giving former president Pervez Musharraf trouble. Which has, predictably, led to its use in rhetoric from both sides. He has a broken heart because of the attitudes of Pakistanis, says supporter Atiqa Odho. Meanwhile, on the other side, the government’s prosecutor in the case, Akram Shaikh, also used some colourful wordplay to that effect as well.

Judging from the former dictator’s much publicized exercise regimen, one assumed he wouldn’t have heart problems. Liver, maybe, but not heart.

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The presidency is a changed place. Under its previous occupant, it used to be the where-its-at of the federal government. Now, it is the accommodation befitting a respected figurehead. All the extra security arrangements and modifications to the building are being reversed so they could finally let some air and light in.

The ex-president’s pir is no longer seen. The incumbent is not of that bent of mind and offers prayers, baa jamaat style. Not just on Fridays but every day and all of them.

Interestingly, there has been a dua in all of the main rooms to cleanse them of evil spirits. Just what do they think the former inhabitant was doing in all the rooms, turn by turn?