Rs 10 guide to politicians

“Do you want to be able to read people’s personality by looking at their facial expressions, gestures and habits?” asks the back cover of a 10-rupee gesture reading guide in Urdu that I bought from a sidewalk last Sunday. “Your answer will surely be in affirmative.”

The book is a lousy mix of translations from English-language books, with poorly captioned illustrations from only one of them. It says the best way to practice gesture reading is at a bus stop. But because journalists are usually cut off from public, I thought I would practice my gesture reading in the second most crowded public space in Pakistan: television.

Here’s what I learned about Pakistan’s top TV celebrities – Imran Khan, Shahbaz Sharif and Asif Zardari.

Facial expressions:

“When a person is ready to challenge authority and begins to rebel, his eyebrows are raised, his body becomes tense, his head is straightened and his neck tightens, his shoulders go wide and stiff, and he begins to clench his fists or grind his teeth.” That looks like a perfect description of Imran Khan making an argument. But Imran also webs his fingers or joins his fingertips in a confident posture, showing that he believes in what he says, but he is also deeply in love with himself. He will not listen to anyone else.

His rival Shahbaz Sharif always looks like he is trying to solve a problem. His eyebrows contract, sometimes he squints, the skin below his lower eyelid is wrinkled. He often touches his face when listening which signifies thinking, analyzing, or hiding something. That is accompanied generally by a posture that makes him look like a Trafalgar Square constable. It looks like he takes his position of authority too seriously and that is getting to him.

Asif Zardari is known for his wide smile showing his upper teeth, like he is on the verge of laughing out loud. What makes his opponents uncomfortable is that it is different from the smile associated with mischief – the closed-mouth smile in which the teeth do not show. Zardari’s smile is warm, like he is meeting an old friend, or his team is winning in sports, or his flirting is successful.

The way they walk:

Shahbaz walks with his shoulders bent forward. When no one is looking, he keeps his limbs close together. My 10-rupee guide calls it a sad walk. In front of cameras, however, Shahbaz walks confidently.

Zardari walks quick and in an athletic manner, looking straight ahead. People who walk like him want to take the shortest route to their destination and want to cover it as fast as possible. Zardari focuses his sight on particular goals, and he is always a step ahead of his rivals because he has already planned his next move.

Recently, he shares with Imran Khan and Shahbaz what is known as the confident walk – chin up, arms free, legs tense, and careful steps. Imran Khan walks like Mussolini. This walk seems to impress other people who start to walk behind him at the same pace. This information is often used by law-enforcement people to identify the leader of a criminal gang.

Handshakes and salutes:

Shaking or waving hands is a modern form of a very old tradition. For millennia, when two humans would pass by or meet each other without intent to fight, they would show their hands to prove they are not concealing any weapons and intend no harm.

Like former president Pervez Musharraf, Imran Khan raises both his hands. His arms are tense and reaching high, and his fists are often closed like Musharraf. At other times they are open and palms face sideways or downward. Sometimes he raises one finger as he speaks. This is similar to Osama bin Laden’s religious sermon that is laden with warnings. It is also similar to the cricket signal of ‘out’, as if telling Zardari or Shahbaz to go back to the pavilion.

Shahbaz is not very comfortable exposing his palms. He usually shows a victory sign, a thumbs up, or other hand gestures, or just keeps his thumb folded. He doesn’t want to put all his cards on the table.

Zardari waves one hand casually but properly, sometimes leaning towards a salute, but always showing his palm, facing the audience.

Zardari and Imran’s handshakes are firm. Shahbaz and Zardari often use both their hands – typical of a politician looking for votes and reassurance.

Conclusion:

For Rs10, one can find out what would have otherwise taken countless hours of reading, several elections, and major disappointments – that Shahbaz Sharif cares about us but knows he is in trouble, Imran khan is ambitious but dictatorial, and Asif Zardari has hired a very good personal image consultant who taught him the secrets of body language.

The writer is a media and culture critic and works at The Friday Times. He tweets @paagalinsaan and gets email at [email protected]