A simple solution

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Thousands of young men celebrated Pakistan’s Defence Day on Tuesday, in ways that proved they are not fit for military service. Politicians paid tributes to the military men of honour, without specifying if they included Gen Pervez Musharraf. Military leaders vowed to change history, but there were reports they had mobilised people to make changes to Wikipedia instead.

In true military spirit, schoolchildren were forced to attend events that inculcated bravery in them, but it was ensured that their holiday is not ruined with history lessons. Security had been heightened on this occasion and police laid special emphasis on beating up motorcyclists. Civilians were not allowed at the celebrations. There were reports that a fire drill was carried on the occasion, but the rumour was later blamed on rows after rows of empty chairs.

The fact that so many chairs were empty, and that the state-run Pakistan Television has less audience than the number of republican presidential candidates in the US, proves that it is imperative for us to re-evaluate our history and come up with new, out-of-the-box solutions.

The military and its wars: “The Pakistani military loves peace, but its love for peace should not be misconstrued as weakness,” a defence expert said while talking about Pakistan’s military history. At other times, however, the military’s weakness has also been misconstrued as love for peace.

The Indian military, known for having the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age, has thrust four key wars on Pakistan since Independence. The Pakistani military did not fight the first, could not win the second, lost the third and denied fighting the fourth.

In the more recent war on terror against non-state actors, the Pakistani military has often followed the great Gandhian principles of non-violence.

Critics believe the military has been involved in political issues for many years and has lost its ability to fight. “History has proven that political leaders are better at mobilising people for war,” an analyst said, making a veiled reference to violence in Karachi.

“Wise men say a people who cannot fight each other cannot fight the enemy,” a political analyst elaborated. Wise men denied the allegation.

Despite a series of embarrassments including a US raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad and an attack on Mehran naval base in Karachi in which key aircrafts were destroyed, the defence analysts believe the military has the ability to respond swiftly to threats. “Even on the occasions you mentioned,” a defence expert said, “we reacted immediately and called 15.”

Politicians and their economy: Many politicians from across the spectrum also criticise the military for taking away more than half of the country’s money each year and believe the money should be spent on development and welfare. “They steal all our taxes and spend them on housing projects,” a politician told this scribe at his residence in Defence. Asked how much taxes he had paid, the leader subjected this scribe to the same treatment that Dr Amir Liaquat gave to an honourable cleric in his TV programme.

Critics of democracy believe the Pakistani political leadership has been involved in fighting for many years and has lost its ability to run the economy. “History has proven that Pakistani military has always been better at running the economy,” a defence expert said, adding that economic growth since the civilians took over has been slower than cricketer Kamran Akmal’s reflexes.

Politicians however believe welfare is more important than growth. According to a new and remarkable proposal, the government will shut down all its departments, saving billions of rupees in operational costs. “Government employees will now be given their salaries on their doorsteps,” an economist said. New staff will be hired for the purpose.

People and their concerns: Common people have rejected arguments from both sides. Many of them have decided not to depend on the government and the military for prosperity and security. “We do not need the army,” said a citizen from Pakistan’s cultural hub Lahore. “There is a Pir in our locality who can protect us with black magic.” A man from Pakistan’s economic centre, Karachi, said it was possible to earn thousands of dollars on the internet without doing anything, according to information he received in an email from a Nigerian citizen.

The solution: Pakistan is at a critical juncture right now, and it is time for the top brains among us to sit down and devise a solution. This scribe, being one of them, believes after carrying out the above research that the solution to Pakistan’s problems is that politicians should be in charge of fighting, and the military should run the economy.

The writer is a media and culture critic. He just began tweeting @paagalinsaan. The total number of his followers is less than his age.

8 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Mr Harris Bin Munawar, this article of yours looks like the outcome of your imagination and not at all based on reality. First of all, what you mentioned about the four wars between India and Pakistan is not true. All of them were the result of Pakistani over-confidence and incompetence.

    In the first war or 1947, if you remember, the Tribal forces prompted by Pakistan attacked and occupied the princely state of Kashmir, which forced the Maharajah to sign the “Agreement to the accession of the princely state to India” and since then, Kashmir is a part of India. Therefore POK (Pakistan Occupied Kashmir) has no legitimacy in the Rest Of The World.

    Secondly, my dear friend, 1965 Indo-Pak war started following of Pakistan’s “Operation Gibraltar”, which was designed to infiltrate forces into Jammu and Kashmir to precipitate an insurgency against rule by India. Pakistan lost the battle they had started, hands down.

    Thirdly, the Indo-Pak war of 1971, can be termed a huge favor by India to the Bangladeshis because east Pakistan was in a huge humanitarian crisis at that time, and thousands and thousands of refugees took refuge in, India itself!

    Lastly, the Kargil War showed the world the cowardliness of Pakistanis to the world. This war, as usually, was inflicted upon India by Pakistan only, and after losing the war, Pakistan did not even take the Dead Bodies of the soldiers. This is what you term as “tributes to the military men of honor”?

    Mr writer, I would appreciate if you write articles which are true and not the piece of your imagination and too much patriotism for your own country. After all, “Pakistan toh India ka he beta hai”.

    • Dear Vaibhav,
      This response of yours looks like the outcome of your love for listening to yourself speak and not at all to others.
      I would appreciate if you write less, read more. After all, its clear you need it.

  2. THE FINEST piece I have ever read about D-Day!

    And Vaibhav is the surely the finest commentator for his uncanny ability to figure the truth out of Indian Studies Text books approved by the government of India of course. I wish he had taken some english lessons as well to augment his talents.

    • Dear Aslam, for your information, Indian Studies Text Books do not have details about the wars, because in India we prefer to teach the students positive things and that every human is equal in the eyes of God, and not like 'Madrasas' which openly inculcate violence among the children.

  3. Sorry if it hurts anyone. To be very frank, and to be very realistic, if anyone has time to go and study the real facts of the wars in between India & Pakistan, First; it is very obvious that India has always tried to destabilize Pakistan through terrorists etc. And even now, India is still trying to do it through Afghanistan. 17 consulates in Afghanistan speaks by themselves that what is the purpose of all those missions.

    Secondly, Wars between India and Pakistan was actually started by Pakistan always. It is the fact. And unfortunately Pakistan lost so much of land in hands of India because of these wars. Patriotism is a good thing, but, plzzzzz read the facts also.. And these facts are NOT available in our text books…

  4. Apart from all mentioned comments on article, I will just say "Haris, you did a wonderful in highlighting the simple core issues in fine satirical way as you mostly did. Good Job Man and keep it up with zeal and spirit" .

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