Diplomatically blonde

Hina Rabbani Khar is not Pakistan’s new foreign minister, a source close to the policymakers said in a remarkable revelation this week. “It is not Khar but her Hermes Birkin bag that was appointed to office last month,” he told this scribe. “The idea was to promote the soft image of Pakistan.”

He cited the coverage of the bag in the Indian and Pakistani media and the analyses its role received in impacting ties between the two countries as evidence of his claim.

The appointment is likely to have serious economic impact and indicates Pakistan’s changing foreign policy especially towards America and its war on terror. “The price of the bag is close to the annual US aid to Pakistan,” a foreign policy expert said, “and the move signals to the US that Pakistan might not need financial help any longer.”

“We needed someone to carry it around,” the official said, “and there was no other politician we could appoint to take care of Pakistan’s precious economic resource.”

Critics denied the report as a rumour spread by the establishment in the form of a leak. “The establishment has become fond of making political jokes,” an expert said. It is pertinent to mention here that most of these political jokes later became federal ministers.

Analysts do agree that the Birkin bag fits the profile of a traditional male foreign minister quite well — It belongs to a family that has been influential for centuries, it is oversized, has a big mouth but doesn’t know how to speak, it takes months to get hold of it, and it does not have the ability to make foreign policy.

Based on these qualities, some foreign policy experts do not see the new appointment as a radical change. “It’s not like Shah Mahmood Qureshi came with a shoulder strap.”

The report sparked a debate on Twitter about the gender of the bag and its implications.

Before the new revelation, results in public polls in the print media led Urdu columnists to demand an apology from Hina Rabbani Khar for being rich. They said she was cut off from the public and therefore did not qualify to be the foreign minister. One suggested she drive a rickshaw for several years first, to connect with the common people and learn the art of negotiation with stubborn opponents.

Religious parties had similarly demanded an apology from Hina for being a woman. At the time of the filing of this report, she had not officially denied the allegation.

Her supporters in English newspapers and the blogosphere however denied that she was pretty, dismissing reports of her good looks as baseless propaganda. Some have urged the minister to grow a moustache to dispel the impression among common people that she is pretty.

Meanwhile, feminists have strongly protested calling Hina Rabbani Khar a woman, saying the W word is derogatory. “It is a different thing if we call each other women,” one civil society representative told this scribe while twisting her moustache. “For us, it is diminutive but inclusive.”

After the revelation that it was the Birkin bag and not Hina whose qualifications needed to be analysed, a number of political analysts expressed satisfaction with the government’s new move. “Pakistan has come a long long way in the last few months,” an expert said. “Having a designer bag as a federal minister is significantly better than having no foreign minister at all.”

The writer is a media critic and the News Editor, The Friday Times. He may be contacted at [email protected]