Economy is a coward…

Religious leaders have slammed the parliament for discussing the 2011-12 budget to divert the attention from their protest against America’s war on terror. “They always steal attention. We will not accept this Lady Gaga like behavior,” they said. They also criticised the economy for being a coward.

“People should throw out agents of foreign powers,” a political worker of the Jamaat-e-Islami said during the party’s protest. The audience reacted positively to his appeal, running towards him while making threatening gestures. The leader decided to flee in greater national interest. But the economy once again stole attention, as this scribe lost his sandals during the movement.

Meanwhile, the PPP has offered unconditional support to the PML(N) government in Punjab during the provincial assembly’s budget session. “We promise we will move our heads up and down during the budget speech, pretending that we actually understand the economy,” an MPA said, “just like cricketer Inzamamul Haq pretended to understand what the umpires were saying.” He criticised the PML(N) for shouting too loud in the National Assembly. “We reject their Jasmeen Manzoor like approach.”

In other news, Pakistan Railways has decided to cease all operations; it stopped all train services and sold all its assets in a move minimise expenditure. “We have closed down all offices to save millions of dollars in running expenditure and pilferage of stationary and oil,” a spokesman said. Hundreds of protesters came out on the streets following the announcement, against an expected decrease in railway staff. Thousands of reporters arrived at the scene to cover the protest. “I want my railway job back,” one reporter said.

The spokesman said however that the company valued its human capital and had decided not to relieve them. The spokesman denied accusations that railway employees were bad for railways. “I know several employees who have not been to work in several years,” he said, “in line with our strategy to reduce our spending.”

The spokesman said the company had “hired new staff who will deliver people’s salaries at their doorsteps”, adding that the government was importing three million motorcycles from China for the purpose.

The railways minister resigned after the move, but later decided not to accept his own resignation. He declined to comment but sources privy to the developments told this scribe he made the decision after realising there were no trains to take him back to his home in Peshawar.

Meanwhile, leaders from across the political spectrum have criticised the huge budgetary allocation to defence. “They steal all our taxes and spend them on housing schemes,” he told this scribe at his residence in a defence housing scheme. Asked how much taxes he had paid, the leader used offensive language against this scribe.

The common people have rejected the new budget saying they could not depend on the government to bring a change and will look elsewhere. “It is possible to earn thousands of dollars on the internet while sitting at home,” a common man said while referring to new research he received by email.

Amid political and economic turmoil in the country and increasing terrorist attacks, the chief justice took suo moto notice of a key security lapse. He has sought a report from the government on why actress Atiqa Odho had not been arrested after airport authorities seized two liquor bottles from her possession. This scribe reached the officials who had seized the liquor, but could not get their comment because they were highly emotional.

The author is a media critic and the News Editor, The Friday Times