Budget 2017-18: “我希望这个预算是大家的喜好,” says Ishaq Dar

Presenting his budget speech at the National Assembly, federal finance minister Ishaq Dar said, “我希望这个预算是大家的喜好.”   “我们真的不想搞砸了,” he said. “我希望在我们的努力中没有什么可想而知的. 如果有某种问题,我们可以解决这个问题.”   “我希望对任何缺点都不会有严格的行动,” he said. “一切都可以讨论. 一切都可以改变. 请好好.”   “我们非常灵活,”...

Facebook to add ‘Kafir! Kafir!’ emoji reaction amidst clampdown on blasphemous content

ISLAMABAD – In a major development, the Facebook administration has agreed to add a ‘Kafir! Kafir!’ emoji reaction to its six existing choices with...

Nawaz Sharif to organise rally against Pakistani judiciary, establishment if Steve Smith not disqualified

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – Ousted Prime Minister and former president of the...

Dila Teer Bija song joins PTI

In a major political development, the song Dila Teer Bija, the political anthem of the Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) has joined the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf...

Jemima’s brother would have been better than this phateecher, maintains Imran Khan

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Criticising visiting London mayor Sadiq Khan for being a bit...

Canadian couple shouldn’t only focus on negatives but also mention Pakistan’s positives like Coke...

  The Foreign Office said on Saturday that the recently rescued Canadian-American couple Caitlan Coleman and Joshua Boyle should not only focus on the negative...

Zuckerberg regrets not reading Terms and Conditions before letting Congress members get elected

Facebook CEO and founder Mark Zuckerberg expressed his regret at not reading the Terms and Conditions of the Congress members that were grilling him...

Khadim Hussain Rizvi assures nation his writ not challenged

Responding to general disdain about the writ of the state, chief of the ruling Tehrik-e-Labbaik-e-Ya-Rasoolullah (TLYR) party has allayed fears by reiterating that his...

Pakistani jihadists rally across Pakistani streets protesting against US claims of their presence in...

ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI/QUETTA/PESHAWAR – Jihadist protests broke out in different parts of the country following US President Donald Trump’s tweet in which he threatened to cut...

Accountability court allows Nawaz, Maryam to be represented by video footage from previous hearings

ISLAMABAD – After thrice-elected, thrice-deposed prime minister Nawaz Sharif on Wednesday repeated the exact same words in the accountability court hearing for the third...

Will only accept cash in exchange for Shakil Afridi, resilient Pakistan tells US

ISLAMABAD – Resolutely turning down payments via wire transfer, PayPal and even cryptocurrencies, Pakistan has told the US that if it wants Dr Shakil...

We can’t use force against our own people, says Army

(This is still satire) At an apex security meeting attended by the the Prime Minister, the DG ISPR, the DG ISI, the Punjab Chief Minister...

“Invisible forces” also step on scale whenever I weigh myself, Nawaz says to doctor

An already embattled Nawaz Sharif told his doctor that “invisible forces” also step on the scale whenever he weighs himself and that he actually...

Mature Imran Khan decides to accept election results in greater national interest

Showing a maturity becoming of an emerging national leader, Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaaf (PTI) chairman Imran Khan has decided to accept the results of the 2018...

Imran Khan urges nation not to forget Pakistan also won ’92 World Cup

  Chairman Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) Imran Khan urged the nation to remember, during its celebrations of the Champions Trophy, 2017, that the nation also won...

Rouhani becomes first Iran leader to set foot in Persian Gulf waters after Trump...

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) TEHRAN/RIYADH/TEL AVIV/WASHINGTON – Iran President Hassan Rouhani has pledged a...

Nawaz Sharif forgets his phone charger at PM house

An already stressful day became even more testing for former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif after he forgot to pack his phone charger while vacating...