Women emancipation – nay, empowerment

Have we marched back in time?

I do not know a single woman who has not been verbally, sexually and physically abused by her partner, be it a husband or a boyfriend

The poor man who beats his wife because she is poorer. The not-so-handsome rich man who taunts his wife because she is verybeautiful. The obsessed bureaucrat who tramples his wife’s self-respect in public to demonstrate his over-rated intellect and superiority. The ill-will which fails to win the heart of his wife compels him to enforce him on her body, believing it to be the most effective way to tame her. The unchaste who seeks fidelity in his wife. The good-for-nothing house husband of a PHD-scholarship holder, who lives his dream of living abroad on his wife’s intellectual expense, and who stays with their children with contempt because he thinks that his manly self  is too good to be degraded in these petty affairs.

Our men are angry with their women vehemently so at the sight of anyvisible manifestation of their emancipation. Angry at being waken up from their day dreams of male dominance. Angry at the shifting of roles. Angry and upset. Hence, the brouhaha against women, especially working women, who are non-complying to the extent that their marriages fail and their children suffer. It is worth noting that women are categorised as housewives and working women: none is expected, at least verbally, to manage both home and office at the same time but in reality this is a false division a ruse to ignore the double burden of the so called working women.

I do not know a single woman who has not been verbally, sexually and physically abused by her partner, be it a husband or a boyfriend. And none of my acquaintances has ever thought of filing a complaint because there is hardly any possibility of effectively complaining. So much so some even construe the violence as justified, as their lot.

As Virginia Woolf successfully points out and justifies, in early twentieth century, the “anger” of a man at a woman who is a potential social contestant, who can not only challenge but also overthrow his long-held superiority, the men in the west, after a justified hue and cry, adjusted and channelised their rage against women a long time ago. However, the men in the east are still fretting about the undue leverage that their women are taking. It is a long way till our men realise (and address) the true cause of their anger. Dethronement! Disillusionment!

Our women are uneasy, stressed and anxious. They want to be something, if nothing else at least be independent of men, both socially and financially. And if they are convinced that it is necessary to realise their potential; then make a decision to part ways. Women, just like men, are born free but everywhere they are domesticated: so before empowering themselves, they have to liberate themselves. Not just working women or elite women, but all women. They will have to liberate them of their fanciful imagination. Liberate them of their unreasonable expectations from wedlock. Liberate them of the ancient female ideals!

Women have always worked for men; however, the unpaid work whether of politics or of household seldom gets respected. No matter how tiresome are the hardships she bears, as long as she is financially dependent, she is taken as a burden.

Wives are no more naïve, hence, indocile. (Why do I write wives? Why not women? Because we raise our daughters to be wives, not women)

Women who were deceitfully emancipated for the chauvinistic, political or financial gains, before partition, soon gained their own minds and believed themselves to be empowered. Hence, the modern elite girl, peddling her bicycle, who wears western clothing in public and not getting judged for that, back in 1960s. And the modern girls who learnt their lessons for getting a job. The once political move became social when the Marshal Law, with efficacious religious propaganda, turned the tables and sent the women back to pavilion. The cold war did more wrong to women than it did to any other community.

Hamra Khalique was our heroine, back in late 1950s, because her education had a direction even if it meant to extend little financial assistance to her family. Touqeer, Dua and Haya (the Tom, Dick and Harry in our women) are our modern heroines who are getting educated, not to be a scholar, till their parents lay hands on a suitable proposal. When therishta market was less competitive, not education but home-economics was the pre-requisite for spousal achievement. We have certainly marched back in time. The dark decade took us a century back; however, the situation is averting. The once docile women refuse, even if they are not financially independent, to be a sacrificial cow anymore.

Besides anger, there is also a lot of confusion between what genders do and what they believe. A working woman must not pin her hopes on getting applause for being useful to her family and her society; she is not an exception in this race of bread. On the other hand, the husband unreasonably insists on his economically empowered wife to be docile. He expects her to earn just like him, but considers her job easier; as a result, she should be making up for the less demanding office work with more demanding motherhood and house chores ‘alone’. Her work, though it is hard to believe, is as competitive and challenging as his.

Wives are no more naïve, hence, indocile. (Why I write wives? Why not women? Because we raise our daughters to be wives, not women.) While our men, yearn for an educated but docile wife. And the women refuse to be tamed, dictated or lectured. Hence, anger. Since eternity, women have been doing one or another kind of work to breed and feed heirs; however, after revolutionary changes in our psychological understandings, everyone refuses to compromise on her/his individuality and disapproves of being less – less significant, less intelligent, less competent, less human! They have compromised on the virginity, chastity, beauty and youth of their spouses; now the husbands have to compromise if they want to save their homes from crumbling down. As the indocile is going hostile.

The bi-polar family order, as I see the family system of our society, demands a middle march from both genders. Browbeating is no more the order of the day. Men can no more makeboth ends meet; they need their women to work. Women would not be able to take the office and house load along with incessant domestic violence. We have unduly emphasised on the upbringing and grooming of our daughters for a long time; it is time to admonish our boys. They have to work on their character, their behaviour, their skills, and perhaps on their looks too to remain a desirable companion.Men need help of women: we all know that, so there is no harm in admitting it. They are no more “allowing” women the freedom to go out, and women are not crossing the border for wanderlust. On the other hand, women can no more take pride in being at leisure, and they cannot also complain of being “over-worked” at working place, and use the feminine propaganda to get undue relaxations in timing and duties. Field work is not contemptuous; it is adventurous. Stop stereotyping vocations: women are not born to be teachers! The highbrow women also need to work on their utility: leave the less-challenging, safe haven of boutiques and saloons to those who are less talented and less advantageous. You want to be taken seriously, do some serious work!