All of us, that is
In an ideal world one would expect the commandments to be addressed to advertisers instead of their victims. It is common knowledge however that, on account of not being the most scrupulous of people one could ever imagine, ad-men are not very susceptible to preaching. It’s therefore up to you, reader, to save yourself from the deception that often goes by the name of advertising. Advertising as we know it is perhaps the most cynical profession today – easily beating noteworthy competition in the form of politics, law, and medicine, the practitioners of which feel compelled to use the techniques of advertising.
Consequently, despite billions spent on ads the buyer is rarely if ever in a position to make an informed decision. In what follows are some of the ways this is achieved, and why you must never fall for them. A general strategy of occasionally using one’s brain usually suffices to deal with the different attempts to sucker you into buying unwisely.
- Thou shall not succumb to ‘subtle’ marketing
Well it isn’t exactly subtle. ‘Heartiest Eid Mubarak from Baba Beeri’ (for example) is hardly any better than a direct appeal to buy cigarettes of that brand (perhaps worse because of the sneakiness involved). It’s definitely a blessed Eid if you oblige. ForBaba Beeri that is.
2. Thou shall not lap falsehoods and obvious nonsense up
Do the following slogans sound familiar: #1 cellular service provider, trusted for 50 years, a symbol of quality since 1947? The questions that must be asked are: Sure it’s not since 1847? Trusted by whom? Number 1 according to whom, especially when the rivals also make the same claim?
Never be misled by ‘figures’ and numbers either. When an AC manufacturer promises 50% reduction in electricity bills, ask for the basis of comparison (it most certainly isn’t what you are being led to believe). When a whitening cream is advertised to be 200% more effective, or a shampoo to remove 99.9% dandruff, it’s obvious hogwash. When a conditioner becomes ‘doubly effective’ by the addition of Vitamin D or aloe vera, an ad-man somewhere is obviously trying to pull a fast one on you. Don’t let him.
3. Thou shall not follow a multitude to buy stuff
Because many people buy a company’s products is a pretty bad reason for you to buy those things as well. Yes, it’s true even if it’s a ‘brand’, in which case you will probably be paying many times their worth
4. Thou shall not be fooled by computer graphics
When they show you their safety razor removing the beard hair from their absolute roots, or their soap making the germs disappear in seconds, remind yourself that that’s an animation which has as much to do with reality as has the exploits of say, Courage the Cowardly Dog.
5. Thou shall not let ad-men insult your intelligence
The insult-to-intelligence ads come in many varieties. For example, while it’s fine if you are interested when you see a manufacturer improving its twin-blade safety razor by adding another parallel-blade; when it is further ‘improved’ by adding another blade, alarm bells ought to start ringing. If nothing happens even when the number of blades becomes five or six you are not doing justice to your intellect. The insult-to-intelligence alert must also go off when you note that the public service message extolling the virtues of tissue-papers is ‘sponsored’ by the tissue-paper manufacturer itself. Examples can be multiplied but you get the point.
6. Thou shall beware of men and women with the white overalls
They are actors, not doctors. And don’t trust them even if they claim their product is verified by some royal society.
7. Thou shall not let emotions sway your better judgment
The usual key-words and phrases employed are: ‘Purity of love’, ‘happy family time’, and my all-time favorite: ‘mamta’. An especially cynical approach (to which women are particularly susceptible) is taken by suggesting that drinking a certain chocolate drink will catapult your son to the top of his class in studies as well as sports. An equally common technique (and no less cynical) is by introducing a religious element into the ad: ‘Pack in your luggage this pill for indigestion if you are going for Hajj’, or the azaan sound in the background while the happy family is breaking the fast with a particular beverage, for example.
Some corporations, such as insurance companies, seem even more concerned for the future of your children than you are. Other companies are hell bent on making your life better. One obviously needs to be vigilant when it comes to such selfless people.
8. Thou shall not be suckered in by limited-time offers
While it is very tempting to save 50% by buying something before the wonderful offer expires, it pays to realise that you can save 100% by not buying the thing, which most probably you don’t even need, in the first place
9. Thou shall not be misled by beauty
If you are a woman and buy something promoted by Kareena Kapoor in order to look like Kareena Kapoor, I have bad news for you: you won’t look anything like her. The same applies if you are a man and hope to look like Kareena Kapoor, or even Fawad Khan for that matter. And if you already do, then you don’t need that product anyway – kind of defeats the purpose either way, doesn’t it?
10. Thou shall beware of the “smart” delusion
The wish to join the ranks of smart people is a natural one. But shopping hardly ever helped achieve that goal. For example, designing and manufacturing an iPhone is smart; selling an iPhone is smart; but buying it for taking selfies isn’t very smart (in fact the evidence in support of the opposite is quite conclusive). True, many smart people do use high-end smart-phones but the grand total of people becoming smart as a result of buying the phone is zero. What applies to smart phones applies to everything else.
Very sensible advice expressed most competently!
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