An essay for all and none
Orya Maqbool Jan is on a constant mission against obscenity. His other, bigger, mission is to save Pakistan from liberals and external enemies alike. He wants to see Muslims dominating the world, and he doesn’t know how to mince his words.
When it comes to being a guiding beacon, he covers an amazingly broad spectrum. He is currently working on the framework of an ideal Muslim state – economic structure, penal code, education system, etc. With this framework all ready, able leadership, when it wins power, will straightaway be in business. How exactly is power going to be won is a jealously guarded secret.
Critics accuse Orya of being retrogressive – offering yesterday’s solutions for today’s problems. Others complain that in a clash between quality of argument and passion, the former always ends up being second best. Considering the multitudes of his passionate followers however, this may be his biggest strength. Here, in one place, are his opinions (translated, sometimes paraphrased) on contemporary as well as some issues of a perennial nature. These will allow you to have an idea about the framework to come, a sneak-peek if you will.
On girls bowling medium pace: “The spectacle of a woman running up to bowl is an extremely obscene one. In the past, such things were censored out but sadly it seems nobody cares anymore.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On education: (Various observations, on the subject of education, aired on different forums) “Education for women is completely different from that of men – gynecology, autism management, marriage counseling, interior decoration being purely female subjects, must be taught in this light.” “The medium of education needs to be Urdu across the board.” “It’s a disgrace to have Manto’s Khol Do in syllabus!” – Thus spoke Orya.
Political systems: “You keep up this system (democracy) for 200 more years and you won’t get anywhere. The term ‘jamhoor’ is no doubt from the Quran, but it means the majority of scholars, not ordinary men. Khilafat is the answer.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On music: “Not all, music is forbidden. According to leading jurists, it’s permissible to listen to your wife or a concubine sing. As a genre, qawwali is permissible, with certain conditions: a state of ablution, absence of female company, etc.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On film actors speaking on religion: “Just as a religious scholar is not qualified to talk about films, a film actor is not qualified to talk about sensitive subjects, such as religion.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On Mullah Umar: “When he was told it was a lost cause as he was losing much ground, he demanded, ‘Who is fighting for land? We will fight no matter what.’” – Thus spoke Orya.
On Mumtaz Qadri and Salman Taseer: “The courts needed to recognise that provocation was there (blasphemy had been carried out); also, the fact that we don’t consult the penal code before reacting to our sister or mother being disrespected, should have been given due consideration.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On Valentine’s day: “Things such as the Valentine’s Day are creating a new class. They must be banned.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On expats: “Don’t you (the expat) bother to worry about the motherland; by choosing to abandon the mother you forfeited your right to have a say in the matter; we will take care of the mother.” – Thus spoke Orya.
Ghazwa e Hind: “It will come to pass. A buzurg told a dervish that one day India will launch an attack from river Tawi above Jalalpur Jattan*. The US hopes to achieve its objectives, but my Allah has other plans. This is the war for which free men of Afghanistan have been facing hardship for over two decades, and Pakistanis are developing atomic weapons. This is all my Allah’s planning and strategy.” – Thus spoke Orya.
What it means to be secular: “Any secular parliamentarian taking oath of parliament, where he asks God to help him honorably discharge his duties, is a hypocrite. He shouldn’t take that oath. If he is secular, he must not take oath on the constitution of Pakistan. He should stay out.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On the power to predict natural (and other) disasters: “God has a warning system. Now that prophet-hood has ended, the only way to get forewarned is through the medium of dreams. However, only truthful people are the recipients of true dreams. These people occasionally tell me about impending disasters, which I, in turn, communicate to my people.” – Thus spoke Orya.
On concubines: “In the event of a war ending in Muslim victory, there is great wisdom in female prisoners being divided among Muslim soldiers as their concubines.” – Thus spoke Orya [You may regard the idea of Muslims winning in the near future to be farfetched, but you can never rule miracles out, can you? Also, the prospect of concubines is too motivating not to be of potential practical significance. Orya makes it clear that it will be permissible to have sexual relations with them. And of course, the same goes for listening to them sing.]
* Jalalpur Jattan is a town located in Gujrat District, Punjab, Pakistan
Hilarious! His columns r generally readable, even his speeches or TV interviews have followers, such is his facility to hide the loonie remarks u have just highlighted with consummate ease. More power to your pen! The refrain should have been,"Thus spake Orya."
Ora is a man of great vision. piercing vision that penetrates all veils and habits. A vision that has a split second resolution to discern movements, even if it is of a kid who could be his grand daughter. In short, he is a man of great perversion.
I don’t see anything bad in his arguments,its very strange that “every one” is talking on “everything”and no one have objection to it,but whenever someone rather more educated than every one dpeaks with islamic point of view on whats happening around,is taunted and confronted by every one.very pathetic.Mr Orya has the right to give his point of view based on islamic conjunctions.Don’t taunt him give arguments with same wisdom..stay blessed orya sahb.
Wisdom requires some rationale. Orya doesn't have the intellectual capacity to achieve that. He is dishonest in his claims and perverted in his thoughts. It's astounding that you don't see the obvious weaknesses in his so called arguments, blind belief maybe? or not. Who am I to judge. 🙂
Orya is a strange phenomenon. A very upright,brilliant and distinguished civil servant somehow decided to live in dark ages.
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