Mobilink, Warid, Telenor, Ufone and Zong to merge to form one big, really awful cell company

Islamabad – Our Telefun Correspondent: In a major corporate development, the nation’s five cellular companies have announced their decision to merge into one big, really awful company.

“They got the idea when Mobilink and Warid announced their merger. That set the ball rolling and it was decided to form a megacorp that will bring the core competency of each respective player to the mix,” says Rayan Ali, a telecom industry analyst. “And the core competency of all of them is providing really, really full-of-crap services.”

“Except now, in the absence of competition, expect even crappier services,” he added.

“We’re looking, first of all, to increase profits for all of the stakeholders concerned,” said Khan Zaman Bangash, lead spokesperson for the as yet unnamed megacorp. “For instance, each of the companies is going to bring to the table their own ideas of creating confusing call packages that are actually not as cheap as advertised.”

“Also, the different companies have long appreciated each others’ diverse tactics. For instance, the practice of reimbursing a caller for a measly one minute’s worth of call-time when the call drops,” he said. “Combined into one company, we will be the masters of ideas like these on how to make even awful service seem like a great thing.”

Trade industry professionals are certain that the Competition Commission of Pakistan will not knock down the upcoming merger because they have the commission chairman’s call recordings on their servers and that he should know what is good for him.