Gujranwala
Our Revolution Correspondent
The long march was too long to march, it has emerged. Both long marches spearheaded by Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) chief Imran Khan and Pakistan Awami Tehrik (PAT) chief Tahirul Qadri had been found to be too long and hence they took more than their fair share of time to march on Thursday.
That the two long marches turned out to be too long in unison has meant that their combined length was even longer. This in turn has meant that the marches that were supposed to culminate in Islamabad on August 14, were seen near Gujranwala around evening time on August 15.
Khan’s Azadi March and Tahirul Qadir’s Inqilab March are going towards Islamabad to topple Nawaz Sharif’s democracy, eradicate democracy and summon the caliphate and martial law. PTI’s militant wing Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) has dubbed the expected military coup as the first Shariah compliant martial law in the country. Pakistan Muslim League-Zia chief Ijazul Haq has taken strong exception to this claim, Khabaristan Today has learnt.
Talking exclusively to Khabaristan Today, Imran Khan on Thursday said that he was happy that he was winning the race against Tahirul Qadri.
“I’m like the hare from the Hare and Tortoise story, except that this hare would beat that tortoise. I’m really happy about being in the lead. I don’t need any pit stop. Hare Khan would beat Tortoise-ul-Qadri,” he said.
When asked about the time it was taking for his march to reach Islamabad Khan said, “Freedom doesn’t get served on a plate. You have to snatch freedom. Sometimes freedom has to fight goons in Gujranwala. Sometimes freedom has to eat gluten free breakfast. Sometimes freedom runs out of hair gel ahead of Lahore to Islamabad drive.”
Qadri responding to Khan’s statement told Khabaristan Today, “Khan sahib is a little delusional. It’s Dr Tahirul Qadri that would win the long march contest. We will bring about the revolution before the PTI. Our revolution should be there 10 minutes before them at least. I just hope the KFC drive through doesn’t take too long.”
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Gullu Butt appreciates attention, thanks PTI, PAT leadership
Lahore
Our Gullu Correspondent
Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) leader and future prime minister of Pakistan Gullu Butt of GTA Model Town fame has appreciated all the attention he has been getting in recent times. Butt, recently released from jail owing to being the prime minister’s crucial man, thanked the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) and Pakistan Awami Tehrik (PAT) leadership for acknowledging his contribution in the current ruling party’s success of late. Talking to Khabaristan Today, Gullu divulged that he had never enjoyed this much attention in his life.
“My previous seven generations combined haven’t received as much attention as I have received over the past month or so. Especially over the last few days the love and appreciation has been incredible,” he said.
Gullu added that he acknowledged the regular mentions in the media and was humbled by the approbation.
“After I famously smacked all those cars in Model Town, the attention I got was expected. I knew I had made my mark then and would get the acclaim. But my regular mentions in the political tug of war of late have been unbelievable. I think the only words (Imran) Khan sahib has used more in his life than Gullu Butt are drones and dollars. And I am not sure about the latter,” he added.
Sources privy to Gullu Butt revealed that he has been receiving special training in destroying containers and would be seen in action in future rallies.
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Rooney, a motivation for players wanting to become captains
Manchester
Our Football Correspondent
Newly appointed Manchester United Captain Wayne Rooney is a motivation for all those players who want to become club captains and haven’t been able to achieve their goals thus far. It is believed that players who are tired of being their team’s talisman without donning the captain’s armband are now looking to Rooney as their role model. English Premier League pundits expect a barrage of transfer requests from many players in the coming weeks to encourage their clubs to name their captains accordingly.
Veteran football pundit Martin Tyler has acknowledged Rooney’s status as a role model for aspiring captains.
“He’s set the bar now. All you need to do is put in a transfer request, maybe two – ideally two in fact or more – whine about the club not signing quality players, then whine about the club not giving you a starting position owing to the quality players superseding you, and a year later you become the club captain. It’s a winning formula,” Tyler said.
Former Manchester United Captain Roy Keane was surprised by Louis Van Gaal’s decision.
“I thought it’d be Robin Van Persie, to be very honest. He’s our best player by a country mile and Van Gaal really trusts him as Netherlands’ captain. But if you want to keep Rooney happy you have to give him what he wants, be it the ball near your own penalty area or the captain’s armband. Else he whines and puts in transfer requests…” Keane said.
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