Would you like a pill with that?

Pill popping friendly Pakistan

Just the other day I was feeling a little down in the dumps about my life. The electricity didn’t work as well as it used to a month ago and the sweat was making me feel oh so very unglamorous. What is one to do when one is snuggling against the rocks found only at rock bottom? You pop a pill. Let me be the first to admit that the solution to all of world’s problems lies within medication. When administered by one’s self it’s a fool proof idea.

It’s so annoying when people start telling you all these things about ulcers and brain damage. There’s no need to be so, so extreme about something as logical as self medication. And all this hue and cry about talking it over with a doctor first! Who knows you better than you do? How can a doctor, who’s met you for only 15 minutes, know what dose is appropriate? That doctor didn’t even taken the time to get to know you better and they’re supposed to know more about your emotional and physical wellbeing than you do? Does the doctor know all your hopes and dreams in life? Does the doctor have any idea what kind of a person you are? Does the doctor know your favourite colour? Well, when the doctor knows absolutely nothing about you why on earth would they know how much medication you should be taking?

Some doctors are trying to start a yahoodi sazish so that people won’t be able to take medication whenever they want it. They want us to live like the western world where you have to beg your doctor for simple medicine.

Whenever I’m feeling the blues I turn up the volume on my jazz music and start popping my favourite pills. Admit it, we all have our favourites, whether it is some water flavoured with the best disprin in town or a couple of sleek Xanaxs to help jazz up your mood. You know if the TTP were better at self-medicating they’d probably be asleep half the time instead of bombing and killing people. Someone would go: “where are the angry Taliban today?” and some happy Taliban would respond, “well they were feeling angry at the world so they took some meds, and they’re fast asleep”. World peace achieved. It’s so simple it’s almost ridiculous. There’s no such thing as too much of a good medicine folks. You’re definitely not going to harm your health or end up fatally hurting yourself if you self medicate.

Some doctors are trying to start a yahoodi sazish so that people won’t be able to take medication whenever they want it. They want us to live like the western world where you have to beg your doctor for simple medicine. The madness has to stop somewhere. Those gora doctors will actually tell you to let your body fight off the illness, imagine that! It’s no secret that drugs have side effects, but they also promise quick relief to problems our immune system takes far too long to solve. Ever since I can remember I have been a procrastinator. We are a nation of procrastinators. When I take so long to get things done on time, why should I place such a huge burden on my immune system? Can we start being fair to our bodies? Everything in life has a short cut and we willingly jump at the opportunity to get things done faster, then why not allow your body the same luxury?

I’ve grown up in a family of people who could diagnose a disease faster than a doctor can sneeze. There comes a time when you become an expert. I know people can relate, we all have that one person who’s an absolute authority at diagnosing problems. Why waste thousands of rupees on a doctor when you can just listen to the guru and get the relief you need? If you’re lacking a guru then turn to Google for help. One simple search and you’ll have the answers to all your medical problems.

I dream of a world where tablets filled with solutions, pills fitted with love and understanding, and capsules full of remedies will be free for all.

Lately I’ve been feeling just a tad bi-polar. It’s coming along swimmingly with my OCD. Those damn doctors keep telling me I’m a hypochondriac anytime I have an actual medical emergency, further proof that they know absolutely nothing. I mean I spent like five minutes online and I figured out that I have PTSD and I need to calm my nerves before I really crack. Drugs are the only way I can do it. Medicinal prescription drugs are heaven sent. They are easy to procure, effective at what they do, and so much fun. At times I see these shows about addicts and their heroin problems and I feel so sorry for them. Had they just found the right medicine at the right time they’d be illegal drug free, and so very happy.

We all have some problem or the other that needs medication. I dream of a world where tablets filled with solutions, pills fitted with love and understanding, and capsules full of remedies will be free for all. Where we can pop all the pills we want without having to be judged by the entire planet.

The author is a staunch supporter of self-medication and prolonged medicinal use without prescriptions. The writer can be reached at: [email protected].