Because Malala should not get it. Also he looks like Nasser Hussain.
Many leading news sources, including Reuters, have reported that Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for what would be a very well deserved Nobel Peace Prize. Since it is inevitable that Putin would win the prize, we thought we should create a list elaborating the reasons why the man should win the illustrious awards. The list is by no means comprehensive, and we would welcome the readers to add to it themselves – because it won’t be that difficult, really…
1. He harasses Kremlin critics
In June 2012 Alexander Bastrykin, Russia’s Investigation Committee head, abducted Novaya Gazeta’s deputy chief editor and threatened his life in a forest in Moscow. In April 2013, Elena Milashina, a Novaya Gazeta, journalist was attacked. October saw Leonid Razvozzhaev, a political activist, kidnapped in Kiev. In January Umar Saidmagomedov, a lawyer, died from gunshot wounds in Makhachkala. There are many more similar cases.
What links them all together?
All vocal critics of the Kremlin.
And of course there is nothing that ensures peace in a country more than shushing up the national media.
2. He has implemented homophobic laws
Putin signed a bill that jails anyone offending religious beliefs, and targets ‘propaganda’, which is basically euphemism for homophobia. Being gay is dubbed propaganda in Russia and Putin has bolstered his credentials for peace by aiming to hush down the propaganda. This is his peaceful revenge against Pussy Riot.
In any case ensuring that the religious fundamentalists are not offended is key to peace in any region. I mean look at Pakistan. We offended the Taliban and look what they are doing to us. He wouldn’t want to offend the Russian Taliban!
By being a homophobic bigot, Putin has added to his credentials as a global torchbearer of peace. Appeasing the clergy always seems to result in peace somehow.
3. He has invaded Ukraine
If there were any doubts over the fact that Putin is a shoo-in for the award, the Ukrainian invasion has parried them away. US President Barack Obama has been kind enough to advise Putin how invading other countries is wrong. The Russian president would do well to pay heed to that advice. If the situation gets worse, soon Russia might start resembling the US.
In any case military manoeuvres courtesy 150,000 troops should add to the peace situation in East Europe. The sort of peace that the region, and of course the world, enjoyed during the Cold War. Fun – and peaceful – times ahead!
4. He looks like Nasser Hussain
A Nasser Hussain look alike should win some kind of an award. The fact that he is already nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize means that it would be convenient for everyone concerned if he wins this one. Nasser Hussain himself was a pretty peaceful batsman and was not too fond of bothering anyone, bowlers, fielders, umpires or scorers. So it would be fitting that his look alike gets an award that has got something to do with peace.
5. The fishing pictures
Just Google “Putin fishing” and you’ll see the embodiment of peace with a dangerous creature. The pictorial proof of why Putin should get the Nobel Peace Prize right there in front of you.
6. Look at the previous winners
Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons (OPCW) got the Nobel Peace Prize last year after chemical weapons became a global issue. European Union got it in 2012 when the European debt crisis became a global issue. Barack Obama got it when Obama became a global issue. The writing is on the Kremlin wall, really.
7. Malala should not get it
The most crucial reason why Putin should win the Nobel Peace Prize is that it would mean that Malala would not win it. And by ensuring that Malala does not win the award, Putin and the jury would be ensuring peace of mind for many a misogynistic man in Pakistan. And since that basically connotes the lion’s share of Pakistan’s population this peace of mind would result in relative peace in South Asia.
There are other reasons as well, but these seven really put Putin’s peaceful credentials into perspective.
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