Ladies: Why you need round rotis

All the success of the world lies on one side, and the skill to cook the perfect roti at another

Luavut Zahid

For as long as I can remember, quite literally, most women have seemed rather obsessed with the lives of women who can’t make rotis. What can be said about women who can’t do things right in the kitchen? Women who deprive their loved ones of the right kind of rotis? Those round perfect ones with just the right amount of salt and healthy oil which stops diabetes, obesity, unicorns and chocolate dreams. A perfect roti is an instrument to measure the worth of a woman’s entire life. For what have you learned if you haven’t learned to make a fat, round, and delicious roti?

Do you have a degree from a reputable institute that most people can’t even get into? That is brilliant my dears, but can you or can’t you do a roti the justice it deserves? For you see the question to Shakespeare’s “to be or not to be” was in reference to the roti. For you should not be, if there is no roti. Are you one of those girls who has had very little trouble working her way up the corporate ladder? Well good for you, three cheers indeed, but can cook a roti beautifully with supersonic speed? You might be a working mother, you might even be a star, you could top the charts with tennis and you could win every case at the bar – but if you cannot cook a roti then really what is the point?

Do you know what a roti is? A roti is proof that you can take care of people. “Apna ghar sambhalna tu ata nahi, barri ayi PhD holder kahin ki” is the kind of statement you will hear from people because of your inability to love people in your life with roti. What can be better than feeding the people that love you? What? Success? What is success if not shared with well fed people? And lots of them. Well if you are one of those unlucky women who know how to do oh so much but can’t cook a simple roti then lament no more. The savior of all women is here: the Rotimatic. It’s the perfect little kitchen tool for all women who grew up being told they would be able to do nothing in life because of their absolutely devastatingly horrid roti making skills.

Mothers teach us from a young age that knowing to make magic happen in the kitchen is important. Some of us spread our wings and fly in the wrong direction with our careers and passions. Many women go to sleep at night wondering how much more they would be loved if they could cook a roti like it was mean to be cooked. Well things are about to change. With the right tools in the kitchen your mothers will be ashamed of you no more! You too can invite people over to your house with confidence and flair and hand over fresh rotis to whoever you like. You can even invite the aunties who always assured you that you marital status was in danger because of your rotis.

Roti. It is what keeps us alive. It is magic food made from the love of a thousand golden grains. A few rotis a day keeps the hunger pangs away, and no one can deny this plain little fact about life. The Rotimatic gives women the ability to feel confident about themselves despite of their lack of prowess in the kitchen. Of course there are women that pretend they know how to cook roti but have maids doing all the dirty work in the kitchen. Then there are others that have their husbands sneak out and buy the obviously store bought stuff and try to pass it off as their own. Those women have no place in this world, a world where a round roti is the very foundation on which we are all raised.

Often women who are disastrously successful and confident and brilliant and what not, don’t realize that their neighbours, mothers, family members, odd aunts, etc. were right: all the success of the world lies on one side, and the skill to cook the perfect roti at another. And trust me when I tell you this: the grass is only greener on the side which has good roti! Now of course there are a few anomalies, women who do know how to make roti and manage to do everything else too – but do those women know how to make raita? That of course is a question best asked at another time altogether.

“Phuhar” is the word that is often used for girls who have no clue what they are doing in the kitchen. But with the latest in technology no woman will have to suffer that word ever again. A simple tool such as the Rotimatic could knead the dough, flatten the roti and then cook it to perfection, all at the touch of a button.

So what are you waiting for? Go out and spend some dough on the right kind of utensils and food processors. If you’re lucky maybe you will even find the Rotimatic at the store. Don’t ever let anyone doubt your ability as a mother, sister, leader, teacher, etc. ever again just because of your poorly made rotis!

While I’m at it I think I’ll go find one for myself, too.