Satanic acronyms

By
KK Shahid
-
65
473

What do INDIA, ISRAEL, USA, DOLLAR and IMF actually stand for?

The conspiring West and the enemies of Islam are constantly coming up with means to demean our religion and our great country. Most of their efforts are dedicated to mock and taunt us. Because, let’s face it, no matter how much worldly development they conjure, they can never reach the status that Muslims and Pakistanis have in the world, and more importantly in the afterlife.

Among many of their petty tactics is the use of satanic acronyms that they propagate through their cunning media, and we end up falling in their vicious trap. Likes for instance, until recently I had no idea that LOL, commonly misperceived as “Laughing Out Loud”, actually stands for “Lucifer Our Lord”. And may Allah bless that dear brother on Facebook who corrected me at the right time, or I’d have worshipped the living daylights out of Lucifer through a laughter veneration mechanism.

Similarly, it took me a little while before I realised that PEPSI stands for “Pay Each Penny to Save Isreal”. Never have I had a sip of that satanic cola after that, but I’m afraid by the time I had experienced the rude awakening I had drunk enough galleons to singlehandedly finance Israel’s defence budget till the early 2000s. However, I count myself incredibly fortunate to have found the righteous path just as I was about to strike optimum ignorance.

Sick and tired of these low blows and infinite conspiracies, I went on an Arrivals-esque research surge to ensure that I dug out all the major satanic acronyms that our enemies have created to degrade us. This compilation has taken three years’ worth of undercover espionage that took me from Tel Aviv to Washington to Bangalore, and the results are as shocking as they are disgraceful.

Here are some of the most common satanic acronyms that we use almost every day, much to the delight of our enemies.

INDIA

Who would have thought that “India” could have its raison d’etre hidden in its name? Never did anyone think that with names like Bharat and Hindustan already there, why the country would need a third name, and choose to proliferate it more than the other two. The denial of the supremacy of Islam and Muslim rule over the entire region is in the country’s name. Ladies and gentlemen, INDIA actually stands for: Islam Never Developed inside Asia.

ISRAEL

What Israel actually stands for isn’t surprising, but the fact that over 65 years after its creation no one has been able to unearth it, definitely is. A country whose sole purpose of creation was to counter Islam in a predominantly Islamic region could only have anti-Islamic aims and ambitions, as has been reflected by Israel’s actions since its inception. And hence, it shouldn’t surprise anyone to find out that ISRAEL actually stands for: Islam Should Remain an Extinct Legacy.

USA

What can a country of Satans hide in its name? Glorification of its satanic identity of course! The very existence of America is dedicated to fighting against God and propagating Satan worship all over the globe. And so, rather predictably, USA stands for: United Satanic Authority; or simply US for: United Satans.

Dollar

As we all know that the dollar is one of the tools that America uses to rubberstamp its global hegemony. But what greater good – rather greater evil – do the Americans achieve from economic monopoly? The answer lies in the name: dollar. It’s pretty obvious that America is trying to gulp our wealth and use it for their devilish purposes and hence DOLLAR rather appositely stands for: Donate Our Lucifer Lord All Rupees.

IMF

Anyone with an inkling of worldly know-how knows that the hub of anti-Islamic manoeuvres, especially in the fiscal realm, is the IMF. All the loan deals, all the bailouts have a distinctly bitter anti-Islamic flavour. And so when on a special mission in Washington, I came across a few classified papers revealing what IMF is short for, everything fit seamlessly into picture. IMF obviously stands for: Islam Must Flop.

And now that we know what the names of major anti-Islamic loci stand for, let’s take a look at a few IT terms and everyday acronyms that have a satanic core.

WWW

Every time you type, “www” before a site’s domain, you’re basically admitting that “We Worship Wine”. Now the West knows that wine is forbidden for Muslims, and that we can’t imagine worshiping any other entity except Allah, and yet they force us into stating that we worship wine multiple times in a day. The best way to counter this is to completely avoid the “www” and type the domain followed by dot com – that will teach those infidels a lesson.

HTTP

When you type, or see, “HTTP”, you have “How to Trouble Pakistan” on your mind. And so it’s no big surprise that most of the global conspiracies against our country originate from the internet. The best way to counter this is, again, by ignoring everything before the domain name, and try not to think of anything when you see HTTP written somewhere on your internet explorer.

MEME

The fact that that Islamophobic atheist Richard Dawkins came up with this term should have told the Muslims that they shouldn’t use it. “MEME” stands for “Murder Every Muslim Entity” and Dawkins’ recent tweets alone tell you how much hate he spews against Muslims. So before you laugh at various memes that your “friends” share, please do realise that it’s the devil worshippers who are actually laughing at us.

Everyday acronyms

The Hindustani influence in churning out satanic acronyms has meant that a lot of their creations are now a part of the everyday usage. Acronyms like BTW (Bhagwan the Warrior), OK (Oh Krishna!) and PS (Pakistan Sucks) have unfortunately become ubiquitous now. Also avoid saying ATM, which can mean both “Against the Muslims” or “Atheists Torment Muslims” and even OMG which stands for “One More God” and is an insult to the Islamic concept of Tauheed.

These are just a few examples of how the infidels force us to insult our own religious and nationalistic sentiments on a daily basis. My personal journey, started with LOL and should eventually culminate in an encyclopedia of satanic acronyms to guide our Muslim brothers. Please spread the word and tell your fellow Muslims that when they say LOL they acknowledge Lucifer as their lord; when they LMAO they recognise Lucifer as their absolute omnipotent and when they say ROFL, they do something to Lucifer which cannot unfortunately be printed here.

The writer is a financial journalist and a cultural critic. Email: [email protected], Twitter: @khuldune

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65 COMMENTS

  6. God keeps stupid hateful animals to keep them with stunted mind animals.Keep on enjoying your gutter filth and be thankful to your deity

  10. WOW! oh shoot that must mean something too now :p
    That article can't even be printed in the Quibbler ! Respect Mr. Lovegood

  13. there is more to shaytaan than "just" putting his tricks in acronyms..
    this way you can pretty much make a satanic verse out of any word..come on! if we really have to fight shaytaan then we have to start taking protection from him according to sunnah..
    instead of debating whether we shud laugh by loling or not..lets say duas of protection morning and evening and seek refuge in Allah az zawjal..

  15. Muslims have stopped believing in them selves i think we are scared of west on one side we use all their technology and will go to every length to get to their countries and on other hand we keep on demonizing them. We are not a rational race.

  18. o come on! if these abbreviations are actually framed to hurt we pakistanis or muslims (that i am sure are not) then these are not going to work 🙂

  20. I'm hoping against all hopes that this here is a satirical piece and doe snot bear any academic credibility. Please God let it be so!

  21. Nonsense,,,, Grow up Muslims.. waste of space, There should have been better use of this space in the newspaper.

  22. LOL>….. LMAO…..
    How can you even publish this….
    This author is perhaps a psycho case…. later we might hear that he became a suicide bomber… OMG…. Seriously…. what kind of sick mind is this???

  23. Absolutely masterful satire Kunwar! I can't believe the Einsteins above think this is a serious piece. But thats quality satire for you. This is one of your best satirical pieces. Kudos!

  24. hahahahaha,,, Pathetic thinking… If accronyms got that power then USA India or anyother anti-muslim and anti-Islamic power does not need to make any weapon or establish great armies against us,,,, have some sense yaar,,,,

  27. Wow. You're a 21st century human using a modern computer… but you're dumber than a chair

  29. this is by far the worst satire that I've read. Annoying instead of amusing. A financial & cultural critic you say? Ironic. You should really work on standing aside when 'criticizing' something through your words so the reader knows your criticizing and not another one out of the 'criticized' bunch. A better option would be to quit this line of work. This is clearly not your cup of tea. Knowing language does not automatically translate into good communication 🙂

    • Madam I do feel you are being slightly unfair (Note: I do not know the author) . There are no stringent rules for the disbarment of the satirist's own character from his/her work. In fact, the entire point of satire is to make it seem believable by putting up this facade of wholehearted propagation of the views being mocked. Although the piece is lacking in several areas, your critique did seem exceedingly harsh to me. The tone, language and absurdity of the ideas posited should be indicators enough.

  31. this is by far the worst satire that I've read. Annoying instead of amusing. A financial & cultural critic you say? Ironic. You should really work on standing aside when 'criticizing' something through your words so the reader knows your criticizing and not another one out of the 'criticized' bunch. A better option would be to quit this line of work. This is clearly not your cup of tea. Knowing language does not automatically translate into good communication 🙂 – See more at: http://www.pakistantoday.mbt.pk/2013/08/27/commen…

  32. I found this to be absolutely hilarious. Totally appreciate your sardonic humor. For all you befuddled naysayers, this is obviously a satirical piece. The escalating absurdity of each subsequent acronym should make that obvious. Learn to infer the tone of a passage people Tsk Tsk

  33. I think when the reader has to go really deep to 'infer' the tone, there is something amiss with the writing itself.

    • Sir, I think maybe the ludicrousness of the article itself is irking you? To each their own I guess. I personally found the tone to be quite apparent

  34. Shameful to publish such nonsense and jahalut – just goes to show Pakistan Today will stoop to any depths to get attention – hmm wonder if Pakistan Today is really an acronym for dissing all journalistic ethics and credibility???

  35. I am out of words because every word i would write would be changed to something satanic. get your self checked. seriously..

  36. Brilliantly written….but as I was reading I couldn't help but think that some Pakistanis will take this seriously….and by the comments I can see that many have…please continue to write and educate the simpletons…

  38. Wow! Would love some of that. That, being whatever substance the author was on whilst composing this article. An acronym is what you make it out to be. Personal inconvenience Assured or please inform Allah otherwise known as Pakistan International Airlines. Also would be great to know what the editor of this journal was smoking when he or she green lighted this piece.

  39. Horribly researched uni-lateral thought process! Just because you got the english right doesn’t justify the content! The article lacks wisdom and perspective.

  45. Haha. The fact that this guys article is published is hilarious. I feel the entire article must have been written by Satan himself when he was in 2nd grade 🙂

  46. Dear Sir, not to undermine your three years' worth of research but you have to be more realistic – This is pure paranoia, LIVE and LET LIVE – I bet I could come up with Satanic acronyms for Country Names such as Pakistan, Iran, Saudi Arabia and so on.

    You write well, but this article just goes to show how insecure Muslims are about themselves and their religion. Again LIVE AND LET LIVE

  48. our people does not deserve anything… A person has done such a hard work and research but u people… Jews had achieved what they planned for us in their famous Jewish Protocols

  49. So many stupid Muslims posting here. Atheists like Kunwar Khuldune Shahid give me hope for Pakistan. Religion: worldview of the ignorant.

  50. I was aware of what PEPSI stood for but not all those other acronyms you mentioned. Thank you, brother, for enlightening me of this abomination. I shall do as you requested and spread the word to our fellow brothers. Jazakallah brother!

  52. Lawl

    the inability to grasp the satire by majority of the commentators is funny and sad at the same time 😐

  55. Its a good research that you have done this is a reality such satanic acronyms do exists and they are meant that way as well its been confirmed on many places but on contrary to that it doesnt matter its been done since past 1400 years and jews and hindus had been doing these things in every which way to defame Muslims that's why we have been warned not to consider them as our friends in Qurran as well.So keep faith and try to avoid using these words if possible other wise its OK cx it doesnt matter and doesnt worth it. WE ALL KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE END. PAK ZINDABAD M/

  56. I'm surprised that people actually think this is was not satirical.

    I guess this just proves the point the writer was trying to make…

  58. Got some more for ya:
    KISS = K.ids I.n S.atan's S.ervice
    WASP= W.e A.re S.atan's P.rophets
    WISK= W.omen I.n S.atan's K.ingdom
    RUSH= R.aised U.nder S.atan's H.ouse
    AC/DC= A.fter C.hrist/D.evil C.omes
    BRAT= Beelzebub Rules All Totally

  60. A good wastage of time.Dude.these letters could mean anything.its like saying "ABCD' is satanic.vowels are satanic, farting is satanic.seriously brother.Islam is about knowledge. so seek knowledge in the right direction.please.

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