Panj Taara

On current issues and other heart-warming subjects

I would like to say that my articles are a result of weeks and weeks of reading and critical thinking, but my modesty won’t allow me to say so. Also, it won’t strictly be true if I did. Without further ado then, let’s go for the Satranga, Naulakha, etc, format that so frequently saves my ass an hour prior to the submission of the article. I give you a five story piece, and casually mention that 5 star hotels are called ‘Panj Taara’ in Urdu/Punjabi; increasing the sum total of your knowledge, as well as impressing you with my command of the local vernacular in one stroke.

1. I have realised that none of the big journalists ever fail to give moving lectures on ethics whenever they get the opportunity, in print or on TV. I honestly believe that my inability to follow suit has been responsible for my not making it big. I guess it’s never too late so I’ll start with an issue of ethics close to my heart. We all know about Bilal Ganj and the many years of its services rendered based on the principle of trickle-down economy, where stolen cars are broken up into bits which are sold with solemn assurances that the parts are genuine. I have realised that it is very depressing when you go there and find your number plate hanging among a lot of others outside one of the shops. Hence I appeal to the government to make it mandatory for the shop keepers there to paint the no plates black before hanging them. Even if they can be reused, they aren’t transferable so there is no chance of somebody coming to get the same number plate any way.

2. I would like to congratulate all of you since USAID is celebrating its 50th anniversary in Pakistan. We should all be thankful to the USA (and anything USA-related) because despite being a pain in our patella for the last 6-8 years (Blackwater, drone strikes, OBL operation, and what not!), it has overall been very good to us during the rest of the 42 odd years, and that too without breaching our invaluable sovereignty.

3. The number of news reports that get printed/broadcast these days with exactly the same contents is mind boggling. I guess the news desk people – the efficient bunch that they are – have all the usual suspects ready and just put the suitable subject – NS or PM or CJ or FM. I don’t even think they wait for somebody to say or do something, or bother to call them to confirm. This is as true of cricket, where fill-in-cricketer’s-name opines that the upcoming or ongoing series against fill-in-the-team-name will be a tough one, as it is true of reports such as ‘Mr. X condemns US drone attacks’. Life for news desk people is easy these days.

4. When it comes to the curious case of Shakeel Afridi, I will start by acknowledging it upfront that not only do I know next to nothing about law; I don’t intend to spend any time studying it either. Now that I have cleared the air by this announcement, I presume that if he didn’t know about OBL’s existence in the compound and he provided information to the US agencies, it does come under treason. However if he did, it should not since we are committed to the WoT. Hence his official crime not being helping US catch OBL, but instead having ties with a banned terrorist outfit and that biggest crime against humanity conceivable: acting in a way so as to shake people’s confidence in things like polio eradication campaigns. Regardless, it is a bigger test case of the superpower than was the Raymond Davis affair. I await the response of the likes of PDC once he is set free and given US immigration along with his family.

5. I am unusually anxious to get ratings and hits for this article because I wasn’t published last week because PT didn’t deem my article ‘appropriate’ (a slap for those who don’t take PT seriously). Now I don’t know about the print medium but on TV, what makes you a star is how often you appear on screen instead of how good you are. Well print or TV, hits are good, and what can ensure hits (of both kinds) more than a frank talk about Bani Gala waali sarkaar! I was talking to a dear friend Yasir Peerzada about the benami (this by the way rhymes with tsunami) transaction issue and he came up with the following point: ‘Imran Khan has said on numerous occasions that he purchased the Islamabad property after obtaining loan from his ex-wife. This loan, according to him, was paid off after selling his London flat. Now he has changed his stance and says that the property was in fact purchased by Jemima in Khan’s name. Did IK lie earlier or is he lying now? It would appear that he changed his stance because the so called loan from Jemima was not obtained through the banking channel so dear to Khan, and therefore liable to be taxed. What can be said about the credibility of a man who talks so much about credibility and yet flip-flops like this? Somebody should tell Khan that changing stances like this doesn’t exactly make him the agent of change that he advertises himself to be.

The writer is a member of the band Beygairat Brigade.