Wayne Rooney’s passing in midfield for Sir Alex’s side reminds football aficionados of a certain ginger prince who used to orchestrate matters in that particular segment of the field. However when his pass is completed via three-act ham-fisted culminations or a Bulgarian touch of lethargy, those aforementioned buffs long for another talismanic figure to complement Rooney’s passing – Wayne Rooney himself. Playing Rooney in the middle might have hushed up United’s midfield woes, but in a classic case of Victorian irony it has illuminated a dilemma upfront. With United’s number 10 dropping down in midfield the striking options left with United’s manager run the whole gamut between sublime poaching, Elizabethan snobbery and the physical defiance of a tissue paper.
Hernandez has been a class act ever since his arrival at Old Trafford, but his game is not suited to being deployed as a lone option up-top. This little problem means that he’d have to be partnered upfront with either one of a trio. Danny Welbeck – a lot of hustle, little dexterity, or Dimitar Berbatov – a lot of ballet dancing, little end product, or Michael Owen – a lot of medical receipts, little playing time. Therefore not only does Rooney playing in midfield mean that Rooney is not playing as a striker, it also connotes that United’s next best striking option is reduced to the stature of a hunting dog stationed in a botanic garden. Therefore, Sir Alex needs to play Rooney upfront with Hernandez and think of other excuses for his AWOL when players like Van Der Vaart, Arteta, Cabaye et al were being bartered around for – in footballing market value – half a pinch of peanuts. Sir Alex might need to solve his midfield predicament Cleverley (pun intended), or he could trust his ever-dependable midfield comrade Michael Carrick again (seriously, how long will he be punished for not being as good as Xavi?) That’s like penalising Alex Lifeson for not being as good as Jimi Hendrix!
Another manoeuvre that might aid United’s cause is that of advertising for their snooty Bulgarian. If rumours have veracity, Anzhi Makhachkala are interested in reducing Sir Alex’s burden. The Russian club is named melodiously enough to appeal to Berba’s tuneful needs and might be willing to splash around £15-20 million. Who am I kidding Sir Alex would be fortunate to receive a set of corner flags in exchange for Dimitar Betbatov.
Liverpool and locksmiths
How often does a commentator describe goalmouth action by juxtaposing it with the act of opening a door? If in this parallel universe of bizarre metaphors, opening the door equals scoring a goal then Liverpool’s doorstep struggles are worth elaborating. If one were to persist with the aforementioned analogy, then Dalglish’s side have quite often knocked on the door with all of their fists, clattered a plethora of hammers and have resorted to an old-fashioned elongated log – without desired effect.
Liverpool have scored 14 goals in the 11 games so far this season.
However what exacerbates the stat’s mediocrity is the fact that barring City, no other club has taken more shots than Liverpool. So basically, they have generated the highest noise amplitude and have clobbered the door with every possible device; yet actual acts of unbolting have been minimal – as many as Fulham and Sunderland to be precise. Unlocking the door doesn’t call for frequency in efforts or brutality in force. All it needs is the right combination of loads of spare keys and the skill-set of competent locksmiths. Suarez is one of the most subtly skillful options that Liverpool have, but the Uruguayan has been trying to force in the wrong keys in the wrong holes – 51 shots for four goals divulges everything.
Liverpool’s lock and key makers need to take a cue from City’s ensemble of door opening techniques – they understand the configuration of most EPL locks, can break in most habitats and even have personnel who could climb pipes and jump in from nearby trees if need be. Liverpool have the locksmiths and the keys, all they need is to figure out the fitting permutations. Dalglish has categorically stated that Liverpool are going to hand out a hiding as soon they start converting their chances – yes Kenny, and I’d be a millionaire as soon as I start earning millions.
Torres’ hidden truth
Like a crossover between a political drama and a whodunit – this combination can also appositely describe El-Nino’s stint at Chelsea – Torres has claimed that Liverpool fans don’t know the truth behind his unceremonious exit and hence should not judge him through rose-tinted glasses. Torres’ earth-shattering proclamation comes ahead of Liverpool’s trip to Stamford Bridge, when he’d be expecting a passionate love-in from the away supporters. Not only does the assertion depict Torres’ miserable time in Chelsea’s blue – honesty, had he been banging in goals for Chelsea, he’d be more like, Liverpool who? – it also puts added pressure on himself to finally convert his promising patches into a continuum of goal-scoring returns. Maybe, just maybe, it is best if Torres were to let his football – or whatever he does on the football pitch nowadays – do the talking, and shelve his storytelling skills for a wee bit longer.
Big match preview
With a change in format the Crystal Ball would now throw the spotlight on the biggest game of the week and we have a couple of huge ones this time round.
Man City vs Newcastle: The two unbeaten sides go head-to-head as Newcastle’s umpteenth – albeit strongest – litmus test awaits them. If Newcastle can put up a strong show they’d further bolster their credentials of being veritable top four challengers. City on the other hand could rubberstamp their authority with a convincing triumph over a side placed third. Silva vs Tiote is the defining matchup, and if Newcastle’s defense can continue their impressive trade fair, it could be a close game – however one fancies City to edge this one. If Newcastle were to beat City today would they be genuine title-contenders?
Chelsea vs Liverpool: Two clubs in transitory phase and in need of putting in a run together. Liverpool are without Gerrard and might have Suarez on the bench – at best. Carroll’s immobility might force Dalglish to risk the Uruguayan, especially if things go pear-shaped early on. Chelsea have problems in defense with Terry out of sorts and in need of a regular partner to stabilise matters. Liverpool could close the gap on fourth with a win – nevertheless Chelsea should come out on top in this one. Expect Lampard to have a major influence
on the game, and
he might even squeeze in a goal from nowhere like only he can.
