Indian agent Lashkar-e-Jhangvi closing in on unveiling actual aim of banning beef in Pakistan | Pakistan Today

Indian agent Lashkar-e-Jhangvi closing in on unveiling actual aim of banning beef in Pakistan

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION: Indian agent Lashkar-e-Jhangvi (LeJ), which overlaps with other likeminded groups in Pakistan and the region, has revealed that it is approaching that phase where it would lift its veil of being a jihadist terror group and finally come out as the Hindutva terrorist outfit that it actually is.

Conversing with The Dependent’s correspondent after abducting him to at an undisclosed location along the Pakistan-Iran border, representatives of the LeJ confirmed that they will soon be announcing a Pakistan-wide terror campaign designed to ban beef across the country.

“When our allies, some of whom are officially associated with the government, and others practically backed by the selectors, were unveiled as Indian agents working on an Indian agenda during those ‘kafir kafir’ rallies in Karachi, we realised that the time had come to come out in the open,” an LeJ member told this blindfolded scribe.

“We can’t give you the exact timeline, but you can guess that it won’t be long before we start rallying against beef and start terrorising people for eating beef biryani,” the LeJ operative added.

When asked when the LeJ and its allied groups would finally reveal the actual religion that they have been actually vying to militantly impose, the reply again was, “soon.”

“That was the whole plan from the onset. Pick a country with a different majority religion, radicalised enough to want to impose that majority religion, facilitated by the constitution and governance historically centering around the imposing of that majority religion – only to take a flip at the end. Plot twist,” said another senior LeJ leader.

“Of course, gradually you’ll find out that all those ideologically inclined with us, and all those supporting the imposition of the ideology that we represented, have been Indian agents since the 1940s.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.