Census form should declare one’s preferred way of being lynched: Mufti Muneeb | Pakistan Today

Census form should declare one’s preferred way of being lynched: Mufti Muneeb

KARACHI: After orchestrating back-to-back rallies for peace, where chants calling for up to 20 percent of the population being encourage to rest in peace echoed profoundly, Mufti Muneeb-ur-Rehman has reiterated his demand to make certain changes to the census forms.

Talking to The Dependent, Mufti Muneeb, who during the rally suggested that sects should also be declared in the national census forms, has called for the need to add a whole new questionnaire altogether to be asked to those identifying as Muslim.

“For decades we already have the clause that requires us to earn divine rewards by cursing at an ideology and an individual, but I think now is the time to expand on that,” Mufti Muneeb said while talking to The Dependent.

“For starters, after we include the sects for those identifying as Muslim, we must add a list of beliefs they must hold sacred before they are allowed to tick the Muslim box. And just for official paperwork we should ask all citizens of Pakistan—Muslim or non-Muslim—what their preferred way of being lynched to death would be. That would clear a lot of things,” he added.

The detailed questionnaire proposed by Mufti Muneeb, available exclusively with The Dependent, will also ask the citizens of Pakistan which Ruet-e-Hilal Committee moon sighting announcement, according to them, carried the most swag.

“Personally, if you ask me, this year’s Eid-ul-Azha announcement had the most swag. Pure thug life, I tell you,” said Mufti Muneeb.

“And speaking of thugs, much of the questionnaire which we’ll include in the national census will be based on thuggery of the religious kind.”

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.