Sh Rasheed urges nation to give him second-last chance


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

The Federal Minister for Railways Sheikh Rasheed Ahmed urged the nation to give him a second-last chance in the aftermath of a horrific train accident that claimed over 70 lives.


“I know I have said in the past, when I wasn’t the railways minister, that the railways minister should resign whenever there was in the most minor of mishap, but I now urge the nation to give me a chance,” said Rasheed, speaking at a press conference at the Railways ministry. “A second-last chance.”


“Look, I’m not giving this thing any time, I’m no Saad Rafiq. Hell, I’m not even a Ghulam Bilour, I just have way too much on my plate, literally and figuratively,” he said. “There is going to be another horrific accident. Take this to be one of my few predictions that will turn out to be true. After that, I should be given my last chance.”


“After that, I’m looking at the information portfolio because I can do a far better job than Firdous Awan,” he said. “Yes, I know, I know, that’s setting the bar really low, but I can do better there anywhere else.”