Woke Fazl adds neoliberalism, climate change to growing list of Azadi March causes


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – As the Azadi March demanding the premier’s resignation edged close to the federal capital on Thursday, Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam Fazl (JUI-F) Chief Fazlur Rehman continued to add to the snowballing rally.

According to sources in the JUI-F leadership, the additions aren’t limited to the increasing number of political leaders aligning themselves with the march, but also include the growing list of causes that the Azadi March is taking up.

And in an exclusive interview given to The Dependent from his container, Fazlur Rehman said that the latest issues to be included in the protest list are neoliberalism and climate change.

“Neoliberalism was born in Chile and will die in Chakwal,” Rehman said while talking to this scribe during the early hours of Thursday.

“And it is the change in the political climate that was artificially created last year that we are here to resist,” he added.

The JUI-F chief said that now that he is being backed by many liberals across the country, it is time to adhere to his new found wokeness.

“Imran Niazi, you have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words,” an emotionally charged Rehman said.

“We are in the beginning of a political extinction and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth – how dare you!”